The Rose Rememberance
by siobreese
Summary: People have always wondered what happens after death. Commander Shepard knows, even if she doesn't want to remember. Cerberus brought her back to help fight the Reapers and though she is grateful, Shepard can't help feeling as though they made a terrible mistake.
1. Chapter 1

The first thing Commander Rose Shepard remembered was a tugging felling pulling her out of the dark and cold and into... pain. She was surrounded by pain, wallowing in it. Everything burned and ached and throbbed. She opened her eyes slowly, trying to think though the haze, and was blinded by light. She could hear voices of two people talking above her but their words didn't make any sense.

She couldn't feel her body. Arms and legs were just screaming nerves that melted together until she couldn't remember if she even had a body. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. Suddenly the voices around her changed and she could feel their attention on her. A dark shape blocked part of the light from view and she focused on it. She fought against the pain and forced her hand to rise towards the shadow.

_Help me. Please. _She begged silently. The shadow grabbed her hand and pushed it back down to her side.

"Shepard, don't try to move. Just lie still. Try to stay calm." The shadow instructed her. It was a woman. Shepard fought to move, to speak, to scream, to do something. Her body failed her and a weight pulled her back down into darkness. To drift. To wait.

At least it wasn't cold anymore.

* * *

"Wake up Commander." A voice echoed above her. Shepard heard it and she tried to reach for it but she kept drifting away. "Shepard, do you hear me? You need to get out of that bed now – this facility is under attack." The voice said again. Shepard recognized it. It was the same voice from before.

Abruptly everything around her shook and it snapped her back into her body like a rubber band. She could feel her arms and legs, dead weights against a hard surface. There was a tightness in her chest as her lungs expanded and she could feel the low thump of her heart. Everything felt sensitive and sore. She reached up to touch her face and it didn't feel right. It hurt. The voice from the ceiling started speaking again and Shepard looked around.

_Loudspeakers. _She thought distantly. She pushed herself up into a sitting position and gasped at how much it hurt. She pressed her hand to her side tentatively and looked around. It was a lab of some sort, but there was no one here. There was a load metal moaning sound and Shepard could see flames outside the windows.

"The facility is under attack." The disembodied voice said again and informed her that there was a pistol and armor in the locker behind her. Shepard gritted her teeth and pushed herself off of the table. Her side screamed in protest as her feet hit the floor but she fought against it. She turned to the locker and opened it. She grabbed the pistol first and pulled it out to look at it, then glanced at the armor.

_I know this. This is familiar. _She grabbed the armor and pulled it on without thinking about it. It was second nature, a muscle memory. Weight of the armor felt good, familiar. She grabbed the pistol again then stared at it. It wasn't right. It didn't feel right. The voice snapped her out of her musings to warn her to get to cover. Shepard moved quickly, ducking behind a short wall just as the gas canisters by the door exploded. At the urging of the voice Shepard pushed herself out of cover and started towards the door. She grabbed a thermal clip in the hallway and slid it into the gun. Shepard blinked as she realized that extra weight from the clip made all the difference in the word. Now, it was familiar. Now, it was perfect.

A mec came around the corner, gun in hand, and Shepard didn't even think about it. She just raised the pistol and shot it in the head. Sparks flew and it hummed mechanically for a moment before collapsing to the floor. Shepard grinned, this she knew how to do.

Suddenly confident, Shepard made her way through the hallways shooting at any mecs that stood in her way. It felt as natural to her as breathing.

"Shepard!" a voice yelled. Shepard spun around with her pistol raised, then paused as she saw the person on the other side of a pane of thick glass. He didn't look familiar to her but he was staring with his mouth gaping open. Shepard frowned at him then noticed the shape move behind him.

"Look out!" She yelled as the heavy mec lumbered down the hallway. She shot at the glass, but it was too thick for the bullet to break. She could only stand and watch as the mec opened fire. The man screamed and collapsed. She stared at the heavy mec for half a moment then her face hardened and she turned and walked away.

Shepard lost contact with the voice a little while after that and was left to wander the hallways by herself. She came across a small office and absentmindedly hit play on one of the data logs while she searched for anything of use. Shepard paused as the same voice that had woken her came from the machine. Dr. Miranda Lawson was her name, and she was working on something called the Lazarus Project. The more Shepard listened the more she realized that the project was an attempt to bring her back. She had been dead.

_Her grip on the wall slipped as an explosion sent her hurdling backwards into the nothingness of space. Her first instinct was to panic, but she fought against it. It would be alright. The suit would keep her warm and she had plenty of air, one of the escape pods could come around and pick her up. _

_ Then she heard a soft hissing sound and an alarm beeped in ear. Her chest tightened and she fought against the urge to scream. She reached behind her and tried to find the hole but her suit suddenly seemed too tight. She couldn't reach it! A desperate scream forced itself past her lips as she kicked her legs trying to contort her body to her will. It didn't help. _

Shepard tore herself away from the memory and hit the stop button desperately. The video log disappeared and she took a deep breath, trying to ignore the way her hands were shaking. She didn't know what happened – or how – but now was not the time to worry about it.

Shepard left the office just a little bit too quickly and made her way down the hallway. Gunshots and shouts sounded in front of her and she rushed towards it without thinking. She stopped and peaked around the corner to survey the situation. A tall, dark skinned man with broad shoulders was shooting at six mecs on the opposite balcony. She stepped out and shot three in the head before the man turned to look at her in shock.

"Commander Shepard?" he asked. She gave him a short nod then shot another mec and ran to where he was. She ducked behind the railing for cover and he did the same. "What are you doing here? I thought you were still a work in progress?" He asked dumbfounded. She gave him a droll look and popped out of cover to shoot another mec.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she demanded. He gave her a sheepish smile.

"Right, sorry. I'm Jacob Taylor, I -" There was a snap as a bullet whizzed between them. "Damn it!" Jacob jerked to his feet and returned the fire, taking down mecs. Shepard watched his face as he returned to cover. He seemed frustrated and angry but controlled.

_Good Soldier. _She thought to herself.

"Things must be worse than I thought if Miranda's got you running around." He admitted. Shepard nodded but didn't respond, just waited for him to keep talking. He took a deep breath then blew it out sharply. "I'll fill you in but we better get to the shuttle first." Shepard lips tightened but she didn't say anything. Instead she stood up and took out her frustration on the mecs. A second later Jacob stood up next to her. His hands ghosted with purple light and he flung it out. On the other balcony a mec lifted helplessly into the air.

_A Pull. _Shepard thought blinking at the purple light. _I used to be able to do that. _As soon as she thought it the memory surfaced. Shepard activated her biotics and hurled a purple Shockwave towards the remaining mecs. It was stronger than she expected, knocking three mecs aside.

"Nice!" Jacob shouted. She ignored him and they took out the remaining mecs. He turned to her with a smile that immediately fell when he saw the expression on her face. "What do you want to know?" he sounded almost apologetic.

_ "_Where am I?" she demanded.

_ "_A secret facility. That's all I can say for now." Shepard's eyes narrowedat his cryptic answer.

"This isn't an Alliance base." She blurted out before she thought about it. _Alliance._ She knew that name. They were Earth's galactic military. She was a soldier.

Jacob winced slightly. "The Alliance officially declared you as Killed in Action. The whole galaxy thinks you're dead. Our scientists have spent the past two years bringing you back."

"I know about the Lazarus Project." she snapped and Jacob took a step back. Shepard took a deep and rubbed her hand across her face. It still felt wrong. Like it wasn't her face, like she was wearing a mask.

She knew she should be nicer. Jacob hadn't done anything to warrant her anger but she felt lost and confused. The last thing she remembered was being thrown into space. There was an explosion on the ship she was on. The ship...

"The Normandy." She said quickly dropping her hand. "What happened?"

"You were attacked."

Shepard waved that away, she had already figured that out. "I mean, did anyone else survive?"

Jacob gave her a small smile and nodded. "Most of the crew." Shepard let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. Thank God. She wanted to ask him more questions but a distant explosion reminded her of where they were.

"Where are the shuttles?" Shepard asked.

"Follow me." Jacob said and started off down the hallway. He seemed more confident now that she wasn't asking questions.

* * *

Cerberus. They said they were Cerberus.

Shepard leaned back in the seat of the shuttle and looked at the two _Cerberus_ operatives in front of her. Jacob was looking at her with a sort of sympathetic expression. He was the one who had told her. At first she didn't remember why it was such a big deal. Cerberus had sounded familiar but she couldn't figure out why it made her fists clench and her chest burn in anger and then it clicked. Cerberus had been responsible for some of the worst experiments that Shepard had ever seen.

Cerberus was pro-human. Human first at the expense of every other race in the galaxy and they had committed reckless, immoral acts to achieve their goal. And now they had brought Shepard back from the dead. The thought made bile rise in the back of Shepard's throat.

And sitting next to Jacob was the woman who had done it. Miranda Lawson. The woman that had woken Shepard up and got her moving in the right direction. Shepard wasn't sure if she liked her or not. Miranda was arrogant and rude and had a superiority complex. But she had also saved Shepard's life.

"Before you meet with the Illusive Man, we need to ask a few questions to evaluate your condition." Miranda said smoothly leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees. Miranda was a tall statuesque beauty with dark hair and pale skin and she was wearing a white skin tight suit that made sure everyone knew it.

"Come on, Miranda." Jacob argued. They debated the merits of the questions but Shepard only heard one thing.

"Two years?" she asked, hating how small her voice sounded. "It's been two years?" Miranda glared at Jacob before he could say a word then turned to Shepard and nodded.

"Two years and twelve days. You were on an operating table for most of it." Shepard felt like she had been punched in the gut. What was it that Jacob has said? _You were nothing but meat and tubes when I first saw you. _Shepard swallowed and schooled her features. Now was not the time to focus on it. Miranda watched Shepard with narrowed eyes then finally nodded.

Jacob cleared his throat. "Record says that you were a colony kid, lost your parents when the slavers hid Mindoir. You enlisted and won a medal fighting batarians on Elysium. Do you remember that?" Shepard for a long hard moment.

"Yes." She said shortly. Jacob waited awkwardly for her to continue.

"Okay." he said when it was clear she wasn't going to. "During a mission on Virmire -"

"We're done." Shepard said shortly cutting him off. Jacob opened his mouth then looked at Miranda. After a moment she nodded.

"Alright Shepard, have it your way." Shepard didn't spare her a glance just turned and looked out the window.

Mindor. Elysium. Virmire. There was a churn of regret in the pit of Shepards stomach for the last one but nothing with the other two. She had lied to Jacob. She couldn't remember. Who was she if she couldn't remember her past? Was she even Shepard? Oh God, what if she wasn't. She knew that Cerberus was capable of some awful things, what if she wasn't even Shepard? She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the cool window.

_No. Come on. Think! What do you remember? _She thought back, before waking up, before drifting in space, before the Normandy. What did she remember?

_The metal railing dug into her back as she pressed herself against it. She gripped her pistol in front of her while sweat dripped down her back and her heart beat uncontrollably. She was afraid that she was too late, that she had failed. She pushed the emotion down and looked across the opening to where the turian and the krogan had taken cover. Garrus and Wrex trusted her. They had followed her all the way across the galaxy to this moment, and right now they were watching her. Waiting for her order. She couldn't let them down._

_ "Sovereign recognizes your value. You've impressed it. Surrender to the Reapers and you will be spared. Join us and we can find a place for you." A cold voice said behind her. It was the rogue turian Spectre. The one she had hunted. A little shard of fear slipped through her control but she beat it down and let anger rise instead. Anger would make her strong. _

_ "Sovereign's controlling you through your implants. Don't you see that?" she yelled at him from cover. Maybe, just maybe, she could get through to him and stop this before it started. She readied her pistol anyway. "I can stop it. Step aside and the invasion will never happen."_

_ "We can't stop it! Not forever. Sovereign's too strong." He sounded desperate and almost apologetic and suddenly she knew what to do. He was a Spectre, he was appointed by the Council to protect the galaxy. Even if Sovereign had indoctrinated him there must still be a part of him that believed in those values. Benezia had been able to fight Sovereign off for just a moment, maybe he could too. She stood up and stepped out of cover so that she faced him directly. Garrus hissed at her to get back down but she ignored him._

_ "It's not too late." She met the rogue Spectre's stare and held it. "You can still redeem yourself." His eyes widened in realization and his mandibles twitched. _

_ "You're right," he said quietly, "Thank you, Shepard." He put his gun against his jaw and pulled the trigger. Blue blood danced through the air as his body fell to the pit below. _

Shepard opened her eyes and met the emptiness of space. Saren. She remembered Saren.

And the Reapers.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard ducked behind the wall to give her shields time to recharge while she popped the heat sink. She was so angry her hands were shaking. She had to force herself not to make reckless decisions. Like charging out into the line of fire just so she could pistol whip these bastards.

After spending billions of dollars to bring her back apparently the Illusive Man didn't deem it important enough to warrant meeting her face to face. Not that she could blame him, the entire time they spoke she wanted to do nothing more than smack him in that smug mouth of his. But personal feelings aside, she had to admit that he had a point. If human colonies were being taken, then something had to be done.

Seeing Freedom's Progress made her blood boil. The place was a ghost town. Where was the Alliance? What had they been _doing_ in the two years she had been gone? Shepard had almost been relieved when the mecs showed up and started opening fire. Finally, something to vent her anger on.

Her shields popped into place and Shepard stood up firing at the walking scraps of metal. Two burst apart in a shower of sparks. She shot the next between the eyes when the sound of gunfire alerted that more mecs had come around the building to flank them. Miranda and Jacob were a decent job of holding them off but they seemed unprepared for an attack on multiple fronts.

Shepard finished off the last of the mecs on her side then turned to the new force. Her shields were almost gone again and she needed to reload but her chest burned with fury. Instead of ducking behind cover she activated her biotics with a shout. She wasn't thinking clearly and she didn't know exactly what it was she was trying to accomplish, but suddenly her body erupted in purple light and she shot forward. She hit the mec with enough force to send it flying into the wall. Popping sparks it crumpled to the floor. Shepard closed her eyes against the spots that danced in her vision. When she opened them again, she was fine. She turned to look at Miranda who had come up behind her, her pistol pointed at the floor.

"Was that... a biotic charge?!" Miranda blinked at Shepard's angry tone.

"It certainly looked like it."

"I never used to be able to do a biotic charge." Shepard said trying her hardest to rein in her anger.

"Of course not Commander," Miranda replied evenly while Jacob's eyes flicked back and forth between the two women. "But no expense was spared when we put you back together. We made sure you had the best upgrades." Shepard turned away from her sharply.

Upgrades. Like she was some damn machine.

"Let's keep going." Shepard said slipping back into calm face of the Commander. They made their way between the empty buildings until they found themselves at closed corridor. Shepard pushed the green panel and it slid open with a whoosh.

"Stop where you are!" Someone shouted. Shepard saw the guns pointed at her first before she noticed the quarians behind them. Even then, it was only a familiar voice that stayed the twitch of her finger.

"Prazza, you said you'd let me handle this." Tali scorned stepping forward and pushing the quarian's gun away. She turned towards Shepard and paused. "Shepard? Is that... you're alive?" She sounded hesitant, unsure. Suddenly Shepard was reminded of the first time she had met Tali, in that back alley on the citadel. She had been so young, off on her pilgrimage in search of something to bring back to the flotilla. That didn't stop her from standing up to Fist's mercs though. Shepard's heart jumped at the memory.

"It's me Tali. Cerberus rebuilt me." Shepard smiled and took a step forward, suddenly so relieved to see someone from her old crew but Tali reeled back before she could get close enough to touch her. Shepard felt like she had been punched in the gut and her face fell.

"I'm sorry, Shepard," Tali said quietly not quite looking at her. Instead she took in the stitched into their uniforms. "I just... I don't trust Cerberus."

_Me neither. _Shepard thought but she didn't say it. Now wasn't the time.

Shepard learned that a quarian named Veetor had come to Freedom's Progress on pilgrimage and was the only survivor. The two teams made plans to get to him but Shepard noticed that Tali didn't look directly at her once during the entire conversation. She always looked over Shepard's shoulder or directed her attention to Miranda or Jacob. Shepard tried not to let it hurt but it was hard. Only years of experience at keeping her face impassive kept the emotion from showing. When they found Veetor he had suffered severe physiological trauma from the stress. Shepard tried to get as much information from him as she could while keeping him calm and assuring him he was safe. It cut her to the core when Tali hesitated before giving Shepard the data from Veetor's omni-tool. Somehow, she had lost her Tali's trust.

* * *

Shepard stepped off of the elevator at deck one and crossed the short distance to her cabin. _Her _cabin. She had an entire floor all to herself. She pressed the green panel to open the door and stepped inside. It was huge. An office area, a sitting area, a queen sized bed, and a fish tank. What was she going to do with a fish tank? It was almost three times the size of her cabin on the old Normandy.

She was still in awe over the fact Cerberus had rebuilt the Normandy. And Joker was here. She couldn't believe it when she heard the Alliance had grounded him, that they grounded the best pilot in the galaxy! But she couldn't deny that she was happy to see him.

He didn't flinch at the sight of her.

"Commander, if there is anything that you need my assistance with, please do not hesitate to let me know." A polite, feminine voice said from the holo at her left.

Shepard glanced at it. "Uh, thanks... EDI."

"My pleasure, Commander." God, there was an AI on board. Shepard realized that the only reason EDI was here was so that Cerberus could keep an eye on here, and that made it all that much more disturbing.

Shepard stripped out of her armor and stored it in her locker. She peeled the under-armor suit from her skin and headed to the bathroom. It was small compared to the rest of the room but Shepard wasn't complaining. The light turned on automatically as she stepped into the room and she paused as she noticed something. Her skin looked different, almost like it was... glowing. She raised her arm and stared at it. It looked like there were thin glowing wires under her skin. She traced one with her finger and felt the slight indent. They were scars? Her scars were glowing?

Shepard frowned and looked at her stomach where a knife wound had left a six inch scar years ago. It was gone. So was the one on her thigh that she had gotten from an incendiary round and the burn on her shoulder. Shepard turned to the mirror to check for the jagged scar along her jaw and gasped. The scar was gone. So was the one that bisected her eyebrow. Instead new deep glowing scars crisscrossed on the right side of her forehead and on her left cheek. There was a faint red glow in her pupils. She looked like some sort of light up jigsaw puzzle.

No wonder Tali had recoiled from her. She didn't look... human.

Shepard raised a slightly shaking hand and touched her cheek. She could feel the sensation, the heat from her own hand, but the skin felt wrong. It was too stiff and too perfect - except for these jagged scars. They had even removed her freckles. Her hair wasn't right either. It was a shade too bright. And not long enough, shouldn't it be longer after two years?

_Not if you were dead._ A cold voice whispered in the back of her mind. Shepard swallowed and dropped her hand. Was this even her body?

Suddenly, Shepard didn't want to take a shower anymore. She didn't want to look at this foreign body anymore. She pulled on a pair of pants and a loose t-shirt and left the room. She took the elevator down to the CIC and started up towards the helm when a bubbly girl with short red hair stepped into her path, stopping her short.

"I'm Yeoman Kelly Chambers. I've been assigned as your administrative assistant." The girl said with a salute that looked odd paired with her bright smile. "I'll manage your messages and help you monitor the crew. And I must say, it's such an honor to be working under you Commander Shepard."

"Um, thank you Yeoman Chambers." Shepard said, a little thrown by her enthusiasm, "I'm sure we'll get the chance to get to know each other." If possible the girl's smile grew bigger.

"Oh, absolutely!" She agreed eagerly, "And please call me Kelly. If there's anything that I can get for you just let me know."

"I'll do that... Kelly." Shepard rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. Everyone seemed so eager to please. First EDI and now Kelly. Why the hell did she have an administrative assistant? "Have a good night." Shepard said stepping around her bubble of excitement and moving towards the front of the ship.

"Good night, Commander!" Kelly called after her. Shepard had to fight the urge to shake her head.

"What's up, Commander?" Joker greeted as Shepard stepped up next to him.

"How's it going up here Joker?" Shepard asked glancing around. "Is the Normandy SR-2 living up to her name?"

Joker slid his fingers along the console lovingly. "She's a dream. I know what I said about Cerberus but they certainly know how to build a ship." A holographic sphere appeared on the left side of the console.

"I'm glad you approve Mr. Moreau." The feminine voice sounded pleased.

Joker sighed. "And there's the downside. I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet. Now she's got this thing I don't want to talk about. It's like ship cancer." Shepard hide a smirk.

"Is it causing any problems?"

"Not yet." Joker admitted grudgingly, "It's just... annoying. So we're heading to Omega, cesspool of the galaxy?"

Shepard nodded. "The Illusive Man suggested we recruit a certain professor there that might be able to help with disrupting the Collector's seeker swarms. I don't have a reason to disagree with him."

"So we're taking orders from the Illusive Man now?" Joker asked carefully not looking at Shepard. Her lips tightened.

"He's sent me dossiers of a couple of people that he thinks would be helpful but I'm making the final decision as to whether or not to include them. I won't let anyone on this ship that I think might endanger the mission." She didn't realize that she had slipped into the cold, hard voice of the Commander until Joker looked at her.

"Anyone in particular you're thinking of Commander?" He asked.

Shepard sighed. "The Illusive Man hired a mercenary that I'm supposed to be picking up at Omega as well. But I don't see how money could possibly command someone's loyalty." Joker snorted and spun his chair around to face her.

"A mercenary huh? Anyone else I should know about?" he asked.

"A convict, a vigilante, and a krogan warlord."

"Geez Commander. You don't do anything halfway, do you?" Shepard grinned.

"I've got to keep you on your toes Joker." She teased.

"Yeah, yeah." He whined, "Just tell me where to go and I'll point the ship in that direction."

"How long until we get to Omega?" She asked standing straighter and slipping into Commander mode. Joker blinked at then spun his chair back and to face forward.

"ETA is six hours." he replied. Shepard nodded then turned and headed back to her cabin.

* * *

_Her grip on the wall slipped as an explosion sent her hurdling backwards into the nothingness of space. Her first instinct was to panic, but she fought against it. It would be alright. The suit would keep her warm and she had plenty of air, one of the escape pods could come around and pick her up. _

_ Then she heard a soft hissing sound and an alarm beeped in ear. Her chest tightened and she fought against the urge to scream. She reached behind her and tried to find the hole but her suit suddenly seemed too tight. She couldn't reach it! A desperate scream forced itself past her lips as she kicked her legs trying to contort her body to her will. It didn't help._

_ Metal debris from her ship drifted around her as she spun helplessly, desperately searching for escape. Her lungs began screaming as the air slipped from her suit. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she watched the bright blue planet drift closer. Spots danced in front of her eyes and her muscles spasmed uncontrollably. A deadly calm tried to seep into her but it fought against it. She couldn't go now. She wasn't done. _

_Not yet. _

_ The dark pressed in on her and she found herself on her knees. The ground was hard and the cold seeped through her suit and into her bones. She expected the air to billow in front of her with the warmth of her breath but there was no breath and there was no air. She pushed herself to her feet and looked around, straining her eyes to see beyond the darkness. At first she saw nothing, then slowly she was able make out the dim shapes of trees. They were thin and spindly, their roots rippled across the ground and their skeletal branches reaching up to scrape the dark sky. She reached out to touch one but pulled her hand back at the last moment suddenly afraid. _

_ She could hear the sound of waves crashing in the sea but could see no water. The sound grew louder and louder until it sounded like it was coming from all around her. She reeled back and looked around wildly but saw nothing. The sound pressed against her and she could hear the whispers in the waves. They slid down her spine and crept into her ear. _

Come with us. Your time is done. Come to rest.

_ She shuddered at the touch of shadows on the back of her neck. It was soft and assuring. A gentle encouragement to go along with the words. She cried out and broke away. She ran from the shadows and the whispers and the part of her that wanted to give in to them._

Shepard jerked awake with a gasp. She skin was covered in a cold sweat and she trembled slightly. The room was dark save for the ambient light from the fish tank. For just a moment, Shepard thought she saw something shift in the shadows. She jumped out of bed and snapped on the light. There was nothing there. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing her body to calm. When her heart stopped hammering in her chest, Shepard opened her eyes and slowly made her way to the shower.

_It was just a dream. There was no truth to it. _She told herself but even as she thought the words she knew that it was a lie. The dark forest, it was real.

It wasn't until Shepard stepped under the spray of warm water that she realized she had been shivering.


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard wrapped a towel around herself and stepped out of the bathroom. She glanced at the clock. Four hours. She had only gotten four hours of sleep. Well, there was no way she was going to get anymore tonight. Shepard sat down at her desk and after a brief hesitation pulled up her record on the terminal.

Commander Rose N. Shepard was born on April 11, 2145 in a remote colony on Mindoir to George and Elizabeth Shepard. She had an older sister named Heather, who died along with her parents when batarian slavers attacked the colony in 2161. An Alliance patrol rescued Rose and she joined the military two years later. She completed the N7 training program with high honors and was posted on Elysium when the colony was attacked. She rallied the colonists then single-handily held off the attack until reinforcements could arrive. She received a medal for her bravery and was named the Hero of Elysium.

Shepard pushed herself away from the terminal and buried her face in her hand. It was so clean and clinical, she felt like she was reading the details of someone else's life. She didn't recognize any of it.

She remembered Eden Prime, mission with the Spectre Nilus. She remembered the Prothean beacon that had seared visions into her mind and sent her one on a search across the galaxy. She remembered Saren, Sovereign, and the threat of the Reapers. She could recall everyone on her team: Kaidan, Ashley, Garrus, Tali, Wrex, and Liara. She knew Joker, Dr. Chakwas, and Admiral Anderson. So why was it she couldn't remember anything else before that.

Shepard pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes until it hurt. Eden Prime. Feros. Noveria. Ilos. She remembered them all.

Wait... Virmire.

Virmire was just a blur in the back of her mind. An ache of regret in the pit of her stomach.

Shepard snapped her head up and pulled her terminal closer to her. She searched for the mission on Virmire and started to read.

Oh God, no.

* * *

Shepard raised an eyebrow as the batarian scanning her.

"If you're looking for weapons, you're not doing a very good job." She told him gesturing to the pistol clearly visible at her side. He grunted, obviously unimpressed. Red and purple lights danced around them and Shepard's head began to throb to the beat of the music. Afterlife seemed like it would be a great place to hang out on her off time but right now, she was working and she didn't appreciate it.

"Can't be too careful with dead Spectres." Aria replied with her back turned. "That could be anyone wearing your face." Shepard made a noncommittal sound. She couldn't begrudge the woman for having a brain.

"They're clean." The batarian grunted then stepped aside. Aria turned around and Shepard got her first good look at the asari. She was tall with unique markings on her face and hard eyes. It was the eyes more than anything else that warned Shepard how dangerous this woman was.

"You run Omega?" Shepard asked calmly. The asari laughed, turned back around and lifted her arms.

"I am Omega." She stated her voicing echoing impressively through the club. Shepard had to fight not to roll her eyes. She didn't really want to deal with this woman's ego. Aria dropped her arms and turned back to Shepard before she could respond. "I'm the boss, CEO, queen if you're feeling dramatic. It doesn't matter. Omega has no titled ruler and only one rule. Don't fuck with Aria." She settled back on the couch and smiled at Shepard as though expecting her to be impressed.

"Hmm, funny." Shepard replied sitting on the other side of couch without waiting for permission. "It's very similar to mine." The smile slid off of Aria's face. Out of the corner of her eye Shepard saw Miranda stiffen but thankfully, the woman had enough brains to stay quiet.

"What can I do for you?" Aria asked playing the part of the gracious host but Shepard didn't miss the dangerous light that flitted through her eyes.

"Mordin Solus. Where can I find him?" Aria's widened in surprise at the question. Obviously, that was not what she was expecting.

"The salarian doctor?" The asari's face fell back in a neutral mask and she shrugged. But Shepard wasn't watching her face, she was watching her eyes. "Last I heard he was trying to help plague victims in the quarantine zone." Shepard waited for her to continue. Aria's smile made it clear she wasn't giving any more information without Shepard asking directly.

"Fine." Shepard said shortly. She wasn't playing this game. "I'm also looked for someone named Archangel."

Aria leaned back, unperturbed. "You and half of Omega."

"Only half?" Shepard shot back. Aria's face remained neutral but her eyes narrowed.

"He thinks he's fighting on the side of good. It's pissed a lot of people off. Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Pack have all banded together to take him down." Her mouth snapped shut as she realized how much information she had just given away.

Shepard grinned menacingly. "Sounds like just the guy I'm looking for." Aria blinked.

"Really? How very interesting." Her voice was as smooth as honey. It made Shepard's jaw clench. "The local mercs are hiring freelancers to help take down Archangel. You could sign up, if you wanted. It's probably the only way you'll be able to get to him." She smiled slyly and Shepard stood.

"Thanks for the chat." She said letting the malice she was feeling edge into her voice. Aria's grin widened.

"Anytime." There was as much threat in that one word as Shepard was expecting.

They made it down the stairs and away from Aria's guards before Miranda spoke up.

"You could have handled that better Shepard." She criticized. "It doesn't do us any good to get on Aria's bad side." Shepard stopped to look at her.

"We're not on Aria's bad side. If we were, we'd be dead." She stated evenly and Miranda blinked. "I just let Aria know that I'm not someone she can mess with. She can't walk on me like she does everyone else in this place and I won't be her lapdog. It'll give her something to think about."

"And what if she determines you're a threat to her, and she decides to get rid of that threat?" Miranda argued. Shepard glanced up at the balcony where Aria was watching them. She met the asari's stare and held it.

"She won't." Shepard replied confidently. Jacob, mercifully, decided to keep out of it.

Miranda huffed. "Are we heading to the quarantine zone?" She sounded annoyed but Shepard let that pass. She glanced at the door on her left. There was merc in a Blue Suns uniform standing in front of it.

"No. We're going after Archangel."

"Shepard, we need Mordin Solus to combat the seeker swarms," Miranda argued. Shepard noticed that Miranda only called her "Shepard" when she didn't agreed with something she did. "He's the more important target."

"The professor doesn't have a time limit, Archangel does." Shepard gave her a steady look, "It's not up for discussion Miranda." The woman clenched her jaw but gave a short nod.

* * *

Garrus lined up the next shot and fired. The top half of the mercs head blew apart and he collapsed to the ground. It was a good spot, easily defensible and only one or two mercs had managed to make it past the bridge. He didn't know how long this had been going on but he knew he was wearing thin. He had been able to eat a couple of dextro-protein bars between waves but he needed to sleep some time and when he did...

He fired again and hit one of the merc firing from behind cover on the opposite side of the bridge. At least these freelancers were easy to take care of. They were target practice, he wasn't too concerned about the threat they represented.

These three humans though, they were different. He had caught glimpses of them as they moved around on the other side of the bridge but it wasn't until they jumped over the barrier onto the bridge that he knew. They were professionals. It wasn't just the armor the one in front was wearing, it was the way they carried themselves. Calm and controlled and completely ready to kill everyone in the room.

Oh yeah, these three had to go.

Garrus lined up his shot on the woman in the front, ignoring the freelancers that had dropped down before them and were closer. He exhaled and squeezed the trigger at the same time. The woman adjusted her gun at the same moment and his bullet grazed across her shoulder. The woman stumbled back and glared up at him and for a moment she almost looked like...

No. It wasn't possible.

The woman raised her gun and shot at the merc in front of her. Garrus froze in shock for a moment then started gunning down the mercs behind her. He lined up shots and fired automatically while his mind spun a thousand miles a second. It wasn't possible, Shepard was dead. And yet if there was any way to survive, Garrus had no doubt that she would be the one to do it. But then why was she here? How did she know he was here? He felt her come into the room behind him and stiffened.

_Please, if I'm wrong just let her kill me quickly. _He thought to himself but then he heard the most wonderful sound in the world.

"Archangel?" It was her voice. It was Shepard.

Garrus' mandible's fluttered against the sides of his helmet. He couldn't face her yet, he needed a minute. With more control than he realized he had, Garrus lifted up one finger to tell her to wait then sighted back down his scope. He aimed carefully then shot a salarian cowering behind a crate. With the sound of the bullet leaving his rifle, he felt like everything had changed.

Carefully he set down his rifle then turned to face her. She gave him a hard questioning look and he realized that he was still wearing his helmet. He pulled it off then watched as the hard look disappeared from her face and a fierce unexpected joy replaced it.

"Garrus? Is that you?" She asked with a grin.

Garrus forced himself to sit back and relax into a nonchalant pose even though every part of him wanted to rush over to her and embrace her. She was alive. Commander Shepard was alive.

"Shepard." he replied evenly only barely keeping his voice in check, "I thought you were dead." She grinned at him and he couldn't help taking the moment to drink her in.

She had changed. Her eyes were the same vibrant green but now there was a red glow behind them. Her hair was a brighter shade of red but he thought it suited her. Now it was just as fiery as her personality. Orange jagged scars crossed over her face and hinted at cybernetic implants. _Or course it had to be cybernetics. _He mused. _That's the only way she could have survived. _

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Just keeping my skills sharp. Waiting for you to come back from the dead." He almost missed it, but he saw the small flinch cross over her face and then the relief that replaced it. He frowned.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly and he thought about it. Really thought about it. He hadn't been a minute ago. Everything had gone to hell in the past couple of days and he had resigned himself to the fact that he probably wasn't going to be leaving this place. But now everything had changed. Shepard was alive, and she was here.

"I've been better." He finally admitted, "But it sure is good to see a friendly face." Relief and joy split her face into a grin and Garrus wondered if she had been expecting a different response. For the first time, Garrus looked at the two human with her. One man and one woman. The woman was wearing a white suit that showed off the curves that Garrus knew humans found attractive. The man had dark skin and broad shoulders. Both were eying him warily. The emblem on their clothes caught Garrus's attention and he recognized it immediately. Cerberus.

"You shot me." Shepard accused and it jerked Garrus out of his inspection. He looked at her, saw she was grinning and relaxed.

"You were taking your sweet time. I had to get you moving." he teased.

"Uh huh." She crossed her arms over her chest in disbelief. "How the hell did you manage to piss off every major merc group in the Terminus Systems?"

Garrus fought against the memory that tried to surge up and the guilt that tried to swallow him. He focused on her face instead. "It wasn't easy. I _really_ had to work at it." The comment made her smile just like he was hoping. "Honestly, I'm amazed they teamed up to fight me. They must really hate me." He cleared his throat in an attempt to change the subject. "How about this, you help me get out of here, and I'll tell you the whole story."

"Deal." Shepard stepped up to the balcony and looked out. "What have we got?" she asked, a calm mask slipping over her features. Garrus's mandible's twitched. This was her. The Commander.

"I've blocked all the exits." He told her, "The bridge is the only way in or out. It's useful in funneling all those witless idiots into my sights but it works both ways. They'll slaughter us if we try to leave that way." He watched the way her nose twitched as she considered it.

"If we fight as a team we can hold them off." she said finally, "We'll wait for a crack in their defenses then make a push."

Garrus nodded. "It's not a perfect plan, but it's a plan. Let's see what they're up to." He grabbed his rifle and raised it to look through the scope. He was surprised to see Eclipse mercs making their way towards the bridge instead of more freelancers. "Looks like their infiltration team failed. Eclipse mercs are on their way. Here have a look." He passed her the rifle and appreciated the care with which she held it.

"So, Archangel huh?" she asked glancing through the scope. Garrus choked back a laugh.

"Just a name the locals gave me," he told her, surprised by how embarrassed he felt. "It's just Garrus to you though, if you don't mind." She grinned and there was a load boom as she squeezed the trigger.

"One down." She replied handing back the rifle.

He took it and tucked it next to his shoulder. "I'll hold this position. I can do a lot of damage from this vantage point and you... well, you just do what you do best."

She grinned. "Just like old times Garrus."

"Just like old times." He agreed wondering briefly if he had already been shot and this was some half-dead dream sequence.

Garrus set up on the balcony and started picking off mercs while Shepard and her team headed down stairs. Watching her fight was like watching a dance. She was the image of power and grace as she flitted between covers, killing her targets with a mixture of bullets and biotics. Slowly though, he began to notice a change. Her movements became fiercer, her kills more ruthless. Garrus frowned at the wave of anger she let off. Shepard had always been calm and controlled in battle, it's what made her such a dangerous warrior. What had happened in the past two years to change that?

A bullet struck into the wall directly below Garrus's head as he watched her and he jerked back to focus on the fight. A few minutes later Shepard headed back up the stairs.

"Alright up - " she started to call but an explosion shook the ground and cut her off.

"Damn it!" Garrus shouted knowing immediately what had happened. "They breached the lower level. They had to use their brains eventually, I guess. Shepard, I need you to get down there and seal it off."

She nodded immediately. "Fine. But I'm not leaving you alone. Jacob, you stay with Garrus." The human male that had been watching Shepard a little too closely nodded and stepped forward. Garrus eyed the man but kept quiet. "Stay alive Garrus. I'll be right back." She ordered and he grinned.

Shepard and the other woman hurried off to lower level. And Garrus was left with Jacob to defend the building.

"So, Shepard huh?" Garrus asked unable to help himself.

"Yeah," Jacob said sounding wistful. "She's a hell of a woman."

"Hell of a Commander." Garrus corrected. Jacob cleared his throat.

"Right." Garrus sighted down his rifle towards the bridge and prepared to use it.

"So how come she's working with Cerberus?" he asked trying to sound nonchalant. He didn't miss the way Jacob looked at him sharply.

"Our... interests are the same." He said hesitantly, when Garrus didn't look at him he continued. "Cerberus brought her back and the Illusive Man is giving her the resources to take out the Collectors." A merc slid into the cross-hairs and Garrus squeezed the trigger reflexively. _Brought her back? _He hoped that didn't mean what he thought it meant. His mandible's tightened at the thought.

Jacob didn't turn out to be that bad of a soldier but a few minutes into the fight Garrus was calling to see where Shepard was. He much preferred her at his back than this Cerberus operative. Garrus fired as fast as he could, sometimes taking out two at a time. But he couldn't help the ones that slipped through when he paused to reload. Garrus cursed as he saw Garm slip into the building and he checked to see where Shepard was. He could hear the frustration in her voice as she answered him but dammit – he knew this was about to get bad. Fast.

Jacob was supposed to be down below taking out the ones that slipped past Garrus, but he knew that the human would have a hard time with Blood Pack leader. Garrus grabbed his rifle and hurried to the other side of the room. No sooner had he reached the door did he see Garm reach the top of the stairs. The krogan saw Garrus half an instant before Garrus saw him, he was already charging by the time Garrus started to raise his rifle. The shot went wild as the krogan slammed into Garrus, sending him to the floor.

A burst of pain shot through his shoulder but Garrus ignored it. He raised his rifle but Garm smacked it aside, catching Garrus's wrist in the process. The krogan kicked him in the ribs. Garrus cried out and tried to roll out of the way but the krogan put his foot down on Garrus's chest.

"Not so strong now, are you Archangel?" Garm roared. He raised his foot and prepared to slam it down on Garrus's head but there was a boom and Garm stumbled forward. Garrus looked up to see Shepard standing in the doorway with a shotgun clutching in her hands. Her face split into a fierce and beautiful smile before she fired the shotgun again. Garm fell to the ground and Shepard stepped forward firing the gun again and again until the krogan lay unmoving then she turned to Garrus. For a split second Garrus had the irrational thought that she was going to shoot him as well but she grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"You certainly took your time." He accused. She just grinned. "Do you think we should -" Garrus stopped short as he saw that damned gunship rise up at the south window. "Look out!" He shouted pushing Shepard aside. Garrus didn't have time to duck. All he saw was the rocket coming straight at him.


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard stripped off her armor and put it aside. Getting to Mordin Solus had been easier than she expected. The salarian had needed almost no convincing to join her mission. His only requirement was that the cure for the plague needed to be dispersed first. A cure, which he had already created. That by itself was impressive.

It turned out that their goals were similar. The plague had been created by the Collectors and given to a group of vorcha to test. Strangely enough, humans were immune to the plague. Shepard bit her lip started to take apart her guns and clean them with deliberate care as she considered it. The Collectors have been kidnapping human colonists and now they create a plague that humans are immune to. There was no way they weren't connected.

She was glad that Mordin was part of her crew. Zaeed... not so much.

Shepard had run into the mercenary on her way back to the Normandy. He had been beating the crap out of a batarian that he claimed he was hired to bring in alive. His only motivation to accept the mission had been the amount of credits the Illusive Man had offered. Shepard ground her teeth at the thought. In her experience, money only took a person so far and that usually didn't extend to the a suicide mission. Shepard had almost told him "thanks but no thanks" when Zaeed mentioned that he wanted help going after the leader of the Blue Suns. Apparently this Vido Santiago was using the employees at a refinery as slave labor and Zaeed was hired to take him down.

It had sounded just like another money fueled mission for him but she hesitated when she saw something flicker in his eye. This mattered to him. In the end Shepard welcomed him aboard. She figured if he was passionate about this refinery then she could make him passionate about the Collectors. If not... well, money or no money she wasn't going to force him to come.

Shepard finished cleaning her guns and put them aside. Joker had said it was going to take them fourteen hours to reach the Citadel. She could do a lot of things with her time but what she really wanted to do was talk to Garrus.

Dr. Chakwas had assured her that Garrus was fine. She said that the rocket had skimmed his face and wouldn't cause any lasting harm other than a scar. It hadn't stopped Shepard from worrying though, and she hadn't gotten the chance to check on him before going after the professor.

"EDI," Shepard called to the ceiling knowing the AI could hear her. "Where is Garras Vakarian?"

"Mr. Vakarian is currently in the Main Battery, Commander." The body-less voice replied politely. Shepard frowned. What was he doing there?

"Thanks EDI." She said absently.

"Logging you out Commander." Shepard left her cabin and took the elevator down to the Crew Deck.

"Commander, can I get anything for you before I finish cleaning up?" Mess Sergeant Gardner asked as she passed by him. Shepard smiled and shook her head.

"I'm fine, thank you. Have a good night." She told him.

"You too Commander." He gave her a tired little salute and walked off. Shepard hadn't realized how late it was. Maybe she shouldn't be bothering Garrus right now. But if she didn't, she would be up worrying all night. Garrus had always said that turian sleep cycle was different than humans, maybe she could just check in on him real fast. Making up her mind, Shepard continued down the hallway to the Main Battery. The panel was green on the door so she pressed it slightly and it slid open.

Garrus's back was to her and he didn't turn around as she entered. He was bent over the console for the main gun and seemed completely absorbed in what he was doing.

"Working on my ship already Vakarian?" she asked teasingly. Garrus jumped and spun around eyeing her guiltily.

"Cerberus may have built this ship but apparently they can't set up a gun properly," he replied, his mandible's twitching in embarrassment. "The calibrations are way off and the diagnostics could use some work." Shepard barely heard him, she was staring at the white gauze that covered the left half of his face.

"Oh my God, Garrus." She whispered in horror, "Does it hurt?" He blinked at her tone the reached up and touched the gauze.

"A little," he admitted, "but it's not that bad." He hooked his talon on the edge of it and slowly pulled it off. Shepard winced as he exposed the ragged wound. It was a nasty blue color and looked painful but she could see that it had already started to scar. Ah, the wonders of medi-gel. And the skills of a competent medic. Shepard made a mental note to thank Dr. Chakwas.

"Well, how bad is it?" Garrus asked fidgeting at her scrutiny. She blinked and smiled.

"Ah hell Garrus, you've always been ugly." She teased. His mandibles fluttered in a laugh and he immediately groaned.

"Oh don't make laugh," he begged, "My face is barely holding together as it is."

Shepard took in the giant hole in his cowl. "Looks like we need to get you a new suit."

He glanced at it. "Yeah probably, but I'm more concerned about you. Cerberus, Shepard?" She winced and hit the panel on the door. It closed behind her and sealed them in some semblance of privacy.

"I know, Garrus. But I don't know what else to do. You didn't see Freedom's Progress - it was desolate." Shepard sighed and went to sit on the crate in the corner. "Our next stop is the Citadel. I'm going to talk to Anderson and the Council but I'm not very hopeful. They didn't listen to me before and now that they think I'm dead..." Garrus watched her carefully.

"About that..." he didn't need to say anything else before she flinched.

"Yeah... about that." Her voice turned hoarse at the last word and she cleared it discretely. "I _was_ dead, Garrus. I don't know how they managed it, but Cerberus brought me back. They rebuilt me, mostly out of synthetic material, I'm sure you can tell." She gestured bitterly to her glowing scars. Garrus's face was carefully neutral and part of Shepard was still afraid that he would turn away from her in revulsion.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked after a moment and she let out a breath.

"Not right now," she replied, "besides you owe me a story first _Archangel._" She said it in an attempt to lighten the mood but if anything it darkened.

"I made a mistake. I let my feeling get the best of me and it cost me everything." He wouldn't meet her gaze while he spoke. Her stomach clenched at the pain in his face.

"Garrus?" She asked quietly.

"After you died the Council just swept everything under the rug. Ignored the Reaper threat as though it didn't matter." He leaning back against the railing for support and his voice turned hard. "There was just too much political bullshit. So I dropped out of the Spectre training and went to Omega to try and make a difference. Before I knew it I had gathered a group of people around me with similar goals and the locals were calling me Archangel. We took down slavers, pirates, and gangs that took things too far. We weren't out to make money and we made sure there were never any civilian casualties. We were just trying to do some good, you know?"

"What happened?" She wanted to get up and reach out to him but she didn't move. Garrus's fists clenched.

"It was my own damn fault." He gritted out, "One of my people betrayed me. A turian named Sidonis. He drew me away from the group with false intel, by the time I got back my squad was dead and Sidonis had disappeared."

Shepard closed her eyes briefly against the anger in his voice. This wasn't the Garrus she knew, but two years could change a person. "Do you know where he is?"

Garrus's mandibles tightened to his face. "No, but I lost my whole team except for Sidonis. One day I'll find him... and correct that." A dark anticipatory gleam flickered in his eyes before he blinked it away and sighed. "Thanks for coming by Shepard but I should probably get some sleep." Shepard nodded at the dismissal. She stood up and started for the door then paused.

"Can I ask you a question Garrus?" He made a noncommittal sound and she turned to look at him. "Did I ever tell you about my childhood?" She asked and he blinked in surprise.

"Uh, no. You never really talked about your past." He said. She nodded and turned away. She hadn't thought so, it didn't seem like something she would do. But right now, Shepard really wished she had.

"Good night Garrus."

* * *

"We've heard some rather disturbing rumors about Commander Shepard, Councilor." Anderson closed his eyes briefly at the asari Councilor's disapproving tone. He had hoped to keep them unaware of Shepard's miraculous resurrection until he had spoken to her. No hope for that now.

"Yes Councilor, I've heard." He replied trying to be civil.

"And you didn't bother to share that information with us?" She accused. Anderson straightened his back and clasped his hands behind his back, slipping into a familiar military posture without realizing it.

"I was doing my own investigating to determine if the rumors were accurate." He stated unapologetically.

"And what did you determine?"

"That Shepard is indeed alive."

"And working for Cerberus." The turian councilor cut in. Of all the councilors, Anderson believed that he was the one most against humanities achievement. No doubt he viewed this as some sort of personal attack. Anderson took a deep breath and turned away from the councilors to look out over the presidium.

"I believe in Shepard and think we should give her a chance to explain herself before we pass judgment." He said to the view. The councilors didn't speak for a moment but he could have sworn he felt their disapproval.

"This meeting would be more productive if Udina was to join us." The asari councilor suggested diplomatically. Anderson stiffened. No doubt Udina would wanted to be here. In fact, Anderson was certain that the Ambassador would give him hell for talking to the other councilors without him being present.

"My _adviser_ is unavailable," he said rigidly, "As Councilor I represent the voice of humanity and the Alliance." It was a position of honor that Shepard had suggested he take up, and one he feared he wasn't suited for. He had always been a soldier and an officer, not a politician. He turned back around to face them, daring to object. "Shepard will be here any-" the door slid open and cut him off.

Anderson turned to see the most miraculous sight. Rose Shepard strolling into his office as though the last two years had never happened. He never though he would see her face again.

"Commander, we were just talking about you." He said giving her a proud smile.

"It's been a long time Anderson." She shook his hand warmly. "I hope the past couple of years have treated you well."

"There have been some rough spots." he admitted. He felt like she was one of the only people he could be honest with. He always had. "It's good to have you back." She smiled at him then turned to address the other Councilors. He listened to her speak and try to gather their support. It was like the Saren fiasco all over again. Shepard screaming about some threat and Council ignoring her. Anderson couldn't even help because despite his position the other councilors didn't respect him.

Anderson remembered the moment he had heard the Normandy had gone down. He had been sitting in this very office, pouring over a multitude of data reports that were part of his new position, when Admiral Hackett called him to deliver the news. He felt as if his entire life had shattered. For weeks he held his breath, waiting for some sign that Shepard had somehow survived. Because that was what Shepard did, she survived. He had been part of the Alliance patrol that had rescued her from Mindoir when she was sixteen. She had been hollow eyed and covered in blood but there was still fight in her eyes. She had survived what had killed or destroyed her entire colony, surely nothing could stop her.

And now here she was, two years later, proving him right.

The Council refused to help but in a show of support they offered Shepard her old status as Spectre back. She hesitated and turned to look at Anderson. His heart warmed at the realization she still cared about what he thought. He nodded to her and she in turn accepted their offer generously.

They spoke for a little while after the Council departed, catching up on the last two years and planning for the future. It wasn't long enough in Anderson's opinion. He wished that he could spend days talking to her. To tell her how proud he was. But the problems of galaxy weren't going to wait for them.

"I wish we had more time." Shepard whispered, voicing his thoughts as she gazed out across the presidium.

"We'll have time later." He hoped it was true. He couldn't stand to lose her again. "Shepard." He said as she stood up and got ready to leave. "I trust your decisions and I hope I don't need to remind you to be careful." Her face split into a grin that made her look ten years younger.

"No, you don't. But I'm glad you said it."


	5. Chapter 5

_The cold wouldn't leave her no matter how fast she ran. The darkness made it difficult for her to move as quickly as she wanted and she kept tripping over tree roots. But she had to keep moving, if she stopped, the whispering waves and the gentle shadows would descend on her._

_ "Ashley!" She shouted sidestepping a tree and stumbling over its raised root. "Ashley, can you hear me?" Maybe if she could find her, together they might figure out a way out of this place._

She is not here. _The waves crashed against each other and formed voices almost lost in the distance. _She has accepted what has come to pass and found peace. You need not fight it. Come and rest.

_"I can't!" She screamed, coming to a halt and shouting her frustration to the darkness. Immediately the sea surrounded her and gentle fingers brushed against her arms. She shook off the comfort they offered. "The Reapers are coming." She explained, knowing they wouldn't listen to her. No one ever did. "I have to be there to fight I have to stop them. I won't give up!" There was a soothing murmur in her ear and the shadows tried to embrace her. _

Your time is passed. You cannot fight anymore. Take comfort in the knowledge that you lived well and find peace. Come with us.

_She broke away and started running again._

* * *

Shepard jerked awake. The room had been warm when she had gone to bed but now it was freezing. She grabbed the covers and pulled them closer around herself. Tucked her knees closer to her chest she rolled over on to her side and froze.

The shadows in the corner had just moved.

Shepard stared wide-eyed, unwilling to look away. For a moment nothing happened, then a shadow separated from the others and slowly made its way across the room.

_I'm still dreaming. _Shepard insisted. _This isn't real. It's not actually happening. _Her heart stuttered violently in her chest but she forced herself to remain perfectly still as she watched the shadow move across the floor. She couldn't make out its shape, it kept shifting and changing with every breath. The shadow slid across the bed and stopped right in front of her.

Shepard blinked and lost track of it. She looked around but nothing moved. Everything looked normal. She let out a long breath and allowed herself to relax. She had just closed her eyes when she felt a soothing touch brush across her cheek.

Shepard heard a scream slice through the room before she realized it was coming from her. She jerked out of the bed. Her legs twisted in the sheet and she slammed into the floor. Kicking them off, she scrambled away as fast as she could then hit the light desperately. Bright light flooded the room, blinding her for an instant. She blinked it away quickly and looked around to find...

Nothing. The room was empty.

"Do you require assistance Commander?" EDI's polite voice asked from the com. Shepard had to swallow twice before she could answer.

"I'm fine EDI. It was just a nightmare."

"Should I summon Dr. Chakwas?" The AI asked.

"I said I was fine." Shepard repeated sliding into the calm voice of the Commander.

"Of course, Commander. Logging you out." Silence echoed through the room. Shepard sat on the edge of the couch and lowered her head into her hands. She had lost it. She had completely lost it.

* * *

Joker yawned for the umpteenth time and tried to focus on the console in front of him. No doubt the Commander would have his head if she saw him right now but Joker couldn't help it. There was no way he was going to leave his baby in the hands of an AI. Even if that meant he had to give up some sleep.

A blue holo sphere appeared suddenly to his left causing him to jump. "Jeff, I find that I do not fully comprehend human behaviors." The feminine voice said.

"Of course you don't," Joker muttered. He rubbed his eyes and fought back another yawn. "What exactly don't you understand?"

"What is a nightmare?" It sounded genuinely puzzled.

Joker blinked. "You don't know what a nightmare is?"

"The definition of a nightmare is a dream in which an individual experiences strong feelings of fear, terror, distress, or anxiety." It replied mechanically, "But what is a nightmare to _you_?"

"That's pretty much it EDI." He leaned back in his seat, "A nightmare is being stuck in the worst possible situation and not being able to get out of it. Like having the Normandy rebuilt even better than before, then finding out I'm stuck with an AI for a co-pilot."

"As I have told you before Jeff. I operate the ship's electronic and cyber-warfare suites in combat. I cannot interface with the ships systems so it is inaccurate to call me your co-pilot." EDI injected.

"Yeah. Yeah." Joker said making a face.

"Is it common for a human to wake up screaming from a nightmare?" It finally asked. Joker blinked.

"Yeah, I guess," he suddenly felt very awkward, "If the nightmare's bad enough." EDI was silent for a moment.

"I see. Thank you, Jeff." The sphere vanished abruptly leaving him wondering what brought that up.

* * *

"I'm afraid I don't fully understand what you're asking, Commander." Dr. Chakwas said regretfully. Shepard took a deep breath and tried to ignore the churning in her stomach.

"I need you to do a full body scan on me," she replied, "Physical. Mental. Everything."

Dr. Chakwas set aside the data pad she was holding and gave Shepard a hard look. "What exactly is it you're looking for?"

She shook her head. "I just want to make sure that everything working right." She replied evasively. "I was dead a long time."

"Has something happened I should know about?" Dr. Chakwas asked sternly.

"No." Shepard lied.

Dr. Chakwas studied her for a long time then finally sighed. "Alright, but it might be helpful to include Dr. Lawson in on the tests."

"No." Shepard rejected, "Do the tests first. If you find something then we bring Miranda in."

Dr. Chakwas frowned. "I don't like it, but alright."

Running the tests was easy, waiting for the results less so. Shepard left the medical bay and wandered the ship feeling disjointed. She had tons of work to do - data logs to go over, dossiers to consider, upgrades to research - but she couldn't seem to make herself focus. She found herself in front of the Port Observation and raised her hand to knock. She might as well get to know her newest crew member.

Shepard had come across Kasumi Goto on the Citadel on her way back to the ship. The master thief had been another asset that Cerberus had recruited through monetary gain without talking to Shepard first. She didn't know why she was surprised, the Illusive Man was obviously under the impression that he was in control of the mission. It was enough to make Shepard want to blow Kasumi off just to spite him, but she found herself liking the thief against her better judgment. She was witty and confident, and Shepard had to admit the way she hacked the ad terminal was impressive.

Shepard knocked on the door and it slid open a moment later to reveal a tall woman in a black cat suit. She was wearing a hood that fell over her face to cover her eyes but Shepard could see her smile.

"What's up Shep?" Kasumi asked, stepping aside to let her in. Shepard blinked at the nickname then entered the room and looked around.

"Just wanted to make sure you've settled in alright." The room had become homey rather fast. There were paintings on the walls and different knickknacks gathered on the tables. Shepard wandered around the room taking everything in.

"So far so good." Kasumi replied. She glided over to the couch and sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest in a relaxed pose. "I've met most of the crew and they seem nice so far. Especially that Jacob." She hummed in appreciation. Shepard gave her a look but Kasumi just smiled. Shepard blinked as her eyes fell on a familiar item.

"Is that... my model of the Normandy?" Shepard stepped closer to get a better look. It certainly _looked_ like it, it even had that slight scratch on the side. But hers was up in her cabin sitting in her display case. Wasn't it? Shepard glanced at the thief curiously and her grin grew wider.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to notice it missing." She replied, completely unapologetic. "You can have it back, I was only curious."

Shepard shook her head. "How did you even get into my room?" Kasumi shrugged innocently. Shepard sighed.

"Kasumi, I wanted to talk to you about getting your partners greybox." She started.

"Having doubts helping a thief?" Kasumi asked unperturbed.

Shepard shook her head. "I'm more wondering about this... dress you got me." Right now the black slip-of-a-thing was currently hanging in her closet. Shepard had no idea how it had gotten there but seeing her model Normandy on Kasumi's desk, she decided she didn't want to ask.

Kasumi laughed. "Hock's holding a party, that's our way in. I'm still trying to pin down the when and where, but I'll let you know. Don't worry." Shepard frowned.

"I don't like being kept in the dark, Kasumi." She warned; the thief didn't even blink.

"You won't be."

"Is there a reason it has to be so short?" Shepard rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.

"I thought you'd look good in it." The thief replied cocking her head slightly to look Shepard up and down. "And don't think I'm wrong."

"Where am I supposed to put my gun?" She asked. Kasumi laughed.

"No where I want to know about."

* * *

Shepard left the room feeling surprisingly more relaxed. It was unexpected but the thief had a very soothing nature to her. It was probably a combination of her witty comments and empathetic calm. The feeling lasted for a total of five minutes until Shepard looked up and saw Miranda striding towards her. The woman's steps were confident and her face was set in determination. Shepard sighed then turned to greet her XO.

"Is there something that I can help you with Miranda?" She asked politely.

"Is there a reason you didn't bother to tell me you were having tests done Shepard?" Miranda glared at her and Shepard bit back a chastising retort. There she went, addressing her as _Shepard_ again. "I spent two years putting you back together. I am very invested in your health. If there was something wrong you should have come to me immediately." Shepard stared at her for a long moment then turned around and walked off.

"_Shepard_!" Miranda snapped indignantly.

"Come with me Miranda." Shepard replied without turning around. She could hear the woman's brisk footsteps behind her as she made her way towards the medical bay. Dr. Chakwas looked up when she entered but Shepard held up her hand to stay anything she might say.

She waited until Miranda stepped into the room and the door closed behind her before turning to her XO. "First of all Miranda, I would appreciate it if you kept all conversations about my health or your disapproval of my decisions in private. If you have something to say, I am willing to hear it but not in the middle of the ship where the rest of the crew can as well." Shepard didn't see herself as completely unreasonable, she was willing to listen to the concerns of her crew, but there was a difference between voice your opinion and blatanly calling your commanding officers actions into question. Besides being dead, Shepard didn't think she had done anything to warrant it. Miranda opened her mouth to respond but Shepard cut her off. "_Second_ of all, they were tests. Just that. I wanted the opinion of someone that I have know for a long time. If there was something wrong I would have come to you at that time." Shepard turned to look at Dr. Chakwas who was staring with her mouth slightly open. "Did you find anything Doctor?" She asked.

Dr. Chakwas blinked then composed herself and shook her head. "You're the epitome of perfect health, both physically and mentally. As far as I can tell there's not a single thing wrong." Shepard nodded and turned back to her XO.

"As you can see, there is nothing wrong. Nothing to concern yourself with." She stated shortly. "Is there anything else I can help you with?" Miranda wasn't able to conceal her detest.

"No, _Commander._" she bit out. "I simply wanted to ensure that you were not having problems with your implants." She spun on her heal and started for the door.

"Miranda," Shepard called. The woman stiffened and turned to look at her with a raised eyebrow. "Suit up. I'll need you on the next mission when we go to recruit Jack." Miranda blinked in surprise then hesitantly nodded.

"Of course... Commander." she replied sounding calmer. When she had left and the door closed firmly behind her Shepard turned back to Dr. Chakwas. The woman was staring at her with a look of surprised admiration.

"Alright," Shepard took a deep, "Now honestly, did you find anything?"

"I was being honest Commander." Dr. Chakwas said softly, "There's nothing wrong with you. I ran every test I could possibly think of. Your body has accepted the cybernetics surprisingly well, there not a single sign cell mutation or degeneration. You haven't suffered from any muscle atrophy, you skeletal structure in strong, and there's no electrical misfires in your brain. Honestly, I wish every patient was as healthy as you are, but then I suppose I would be out of a job."

Shepard smiled at the weak joke to hide the relief she felt. She was fine. There was nothing wrong with her. Then how did she explain the shadows she saw.

"Thanks Dr. Chakwas." She said then turned for the door. She had a mission to prep for.

* * *

Shepard took a deep breath and rolled her aching shoulders. Something in her back popped and the relief was immediate. The mission to collect Jack had not gone as expected. First the turian Warden, Kuril had determined it was more lucrative to sell Shepard than it was to work with her, then they had to release Jack, and the woman had proceeded to tear the ship apart. Shepard had to admit, that woman's biotics were impressive.

She had originally decided that diplomacy had been the key to this mission so he had chosen Miranda and Mordin to accompany her. Miranda for her obvious leadership skills and Mordin because she hadn't worked with him yet. She had chosen to leave Garrus behind because he had expressed his distrust for the "barefaced" turian and that wasn't the kind of attitude that Shepard had wanted to display. Five minutes in to the firefight, she had regretted that decision. Sure Mordin and Miranda had fought exceptionally well, but she would have really preferred someone she trusted at her back.

Shepard pulled on a pair of pants and a t-shirt and headed down to the mess hall. They had gotten back late and she hadn't gotten a chance to eat yet. No doubt Gardner would be in bed by now but if she could just grab a couple ration bars she would be happy. She yawned as she stepped out of the elevator. Cracking her neck she turned the corner to the mess hall and froze.

There was a shadow. And it had moved.

* * *

Garrus turned off the shower and grabbed a towel to dry himself off. Grabbing his clothes he turned to the mirror and peered at his face. Damn it looked bad. And he hadn't even taken off the bandage that covered the worst off it. He knew scars came hand in hand with combat, but why did this one have to be on his face?

Turning away from his reflection he pulled on his under-armor then grabbed his suit, fingering the hole in his cowl. Turian military philosophy dictated that when on duty you should always be ready for battle. He wasn't in the military anymore, but it was a hard habit to break. Sometimes he felt like he spent more time in his armor than out of it.

Garrus hit the panel to open the door then stepped out of the bathroom. He was planning on grabbing something quick to eat then catching some shut eye for a few hours, but paused when he rounded the corner and saw Shepard. She was standing right in front of him facing the wall. He hands were shaking slightly and her face was twisted in... Well he would have said fear, except that wasn't a word that one usually associated with the great Commander Shepard.

"Shepard?" he asked quietly. When she didn't move he reached out and touched her shoulder. She jumped and reeled around to face him. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." She blinked and her face shifted in relief.

"You didn't." She assured him but then she glanced over her shoulder and looked back at the wall. He looked as well but didn't see anything of interest. Shepard turned back to him and her face flushed in embarrassment. It was funny, when he first joined her crew human expressions had puzzled him. He had the hardest time telling the difference between angry, anxious, and surprised. Now, two years later, he could pick out the emotions flickering across her face without really thinking about it.

"Did you want something to drink?" he asked and relief crossed her face again.

"God yes." She replied. The made their way to the small kitchen but Garrus didn't miss the way her eyes danced towards the wall again as they passed. He didn't mention it though, instead he pulled out bottle of human alcohol and poured her a glass. He grabbed himself a turian ale and they sat down at the table.

"So..." Garrus started as Shepard took a long drink from her glass, "Jack, huh?" She lowered the glass and cracked a smile.

"Yeah. She's a firecracker isn't she?"

Garrus didn't know what a firecracker but he got the jist of it. "Are you confident about having her as part of your crew?" She took another drink then nodded.

"If we can keep her from destroying the Normandy like she did that prison ship, then absolutely." She said honestly, "You didn't see her out there Garrus. She was like biotic wrecking ball, pure destruction." He laughed lightly at the image. "She doesn't like Cerberus but then neither do I, so I think it might work out."

"Good." He agreed, "Who are going after next?"

"A krogan warlord named Okeer." she looked up at him, "I'd like you with me on that one. If you're feeling up for it."

He grinned at her and ignored the way moving his mandibles caused the muscles in his cheek to spasm painfully. "You don't have to ask me twice, Shepard." She smiled at him and he considered her. There still seemed something... off with her.

"What were your parents like?" he asked after a moment, remembering her comment about her childhood earlier. She stiffened and he wondered if he had made a mistake. There was a long silence and Garrus was just about to apologize when she spoke.

"Why don't you tell me about yours first." She suggested. His mandibles twitched in discomfort but he agreed.

"My dad was kind of a hard-ass," he said slowly. "He was a good dad, just a stickler for the rules. He was a firm believer in living to the letter of the law, no matter how oxi-moronic it might be . He's a decorated officer in the military and I always wanted to follow in his footsteps even though I didn't agree with his views. My mom was always bright and happy. She was like the sunshine, beaming down on everyone. I never understood how her and my dad got together, but they love each other so I guess that's enough."

Shepard was looking at him with a strange expression on her face and he trailed off awkward. Damn, so much for his ability to read human emotions. She glanced away when she noticed him watching her.

"It sounds nice." She said quietly after the moment. She finished the rest of her glass and stood up. "Thanks for the talk Garrus. I appreciated it."

"Anytime." He replied. She gave him one last smile then turned and headed back to the elevator. Garrus sat there watching her walk away and wondered what he had said that made her smile seem so sad.


	6. Chapter 6

**Yay! A nice long post for everyone! I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

Shepard stood in the port cargo hold and considered the krogan in front of her. He was big, that was for sure, but other than that she didn't see anything that made him special... Other than the fact that he had been grown in a tank of course.

Recruiting Okeer had been a complete bust, he had let himself get killed before Shepard had been able to get to him. Not that she had been too upset about it, the warlord had pissed her off with his experiments and the way he discarded the ones he deemed failures. She knew that the krogans were doing anything in their power to combat the genophage but she couldn't understand the way he had dismissed the other krogan he had created because they weren't "perfect."

All but this one in front of her. This experiment, Okeer had given his life to protect.

"EDI," Shepard called, "What can you tell me about this guy? Anything unusual?"

"The subject is an exceptional example of the krogan species with fully formed primary, secondary, and tertiary organs where applicable." the AI's mechanical voice responded from the ceiling. "There are no defects of any kind, aside from the genetic markers of the genophage that is present in all krogan. I cannot judge mental function."

Shepard frowned as she studied the krogan. He looked peaceful lying there but she knew that would change the second she woke him up. "Stand by. I'm going to open the tank and let him out."

"Cerberus protocol is very clear regarding untested alien technology." EDI argued. Shepard ground her teeth in frustration.

"This isn't a Cerberus decision," she bit out, "this is mine. I won't be second guessed on my own ship _by_ my own ship. Do it." There was a slight pause in which Shepard was sure the AI would continue to argue.

"Very well Shepard." EDI said finally, "The controls are online. The switch – and consequences – are yours." Shepard fumed at the chastising comment from a _computer_. She strolled over to the console and hit the button angrily then stepped back and waiting for the krogan to awaken.

The water drained from the tank and the clasps holding the tube closed released. The glass door swung open and the krogan stumbled out. Shepard took a step back and watched as he coughed up water on unsteady feet. He looked up and tried to focus on Shepard. Against her better judgement Shepard stepped forward again to try and help him.

He blinked and charged her with a roar. She didn't have time to get out of the way but she managed to pull her pistol and aim it at his gut before they hit the wall. He pinned her with his arm but he didn't seem to notice her gun. Her finger had just started to tighten on the trigger when he spoke.

"Human. Female." He identified. His voice was low and hoarse but he didn't seem to have any trouble speaking. "Before you die, I need a name." Shepard glared at him.

"I'm Commander Shepard and I don't suffer threats lightly. Let go of me!" she growled. The krogan's blue eyes narrowed at her tone.

"Not your name. Mine." he tightened his hold on her and cocked his head. "I'm trained. I know things, but the tank... Okeer couldn't implant connection. His words are hollow. Warlord. Legacy. Grunt. 'Grunt.' That was among the last, it has no meaning. It will do." He focused back on her and grinned in challenge. "I am Grunt. If you are worth of your command prove your strength and try to destroy me."

"You want me to try and kill you?" Shepard asked, her hand tightening on her gun. One bullet might not be enough to put this guy down, but if she pushed him back with her biotics it might give her enough time to empty a clip into his head.

Grunt looked confused. "Want? I do what I am meant to... fight and reveal the strongest. Nothing in the tank ever asked what I wanted. I feel nothing for Okeer's clan or his enemies. That imprint failed. He had failed. Without a reason that is mine, one fight is as good as any. Might as well start with you." It sounded like this guy wanted to talk more than fight, but she could work with this. If she could convince this krogan to join her crew instead of killing him then the mission might not be a complete waste.

"Well, what I _want_ is for you to join my crew." she told him, "Fight with me, not against me." Grunt let out a low growl.

"If you are weak and choose weak enemies then I will have to kill you." He warned. Shepard snarled and got as close to his face as his hold would allow.

"My enemies are feared throughout the galaxy," she growled. "They tried their best to kill me and it didn't keep. What makes you think you can do better?" The krogan's eyes widened slightly and he considered her.

"Nothing in the imprints indicated that humans could be so forceful. You command as if you've earned it." He let out a low grunt then nodded slightly. "It is acceptable. I will fight for you."

Shepard smiled dangerously at him. "I'm glad you saw reason." She said but shoved the pistol against his side to deter him from trying this again. Grunt looked down in surprise then released her with a low laugh.

"Offer one hand but arm the other." He grunted in approval. "Wise Shepard. If I find a clan. If I find what I... I want, I will be honored to eventually pit them against you."

"And I will enjoy killing them." She shot back, Grunt just grinned at her. Shepard took a deep breath then put her pistol away.

"If you need anything, let EDI know." she told him starting for the door.

"The only thing I need is enemies to kill." He growled. Shepard paused and looked over her should.

"You'll get that," she assured him, "of that I promise you." Only once the elevator door closed, sealing her in, did she stop to rub her chest. Grunt hit like a brick house.

"Commander, the Illusive Man would like to speak with you." EDI said from the com. Shepard hit the button that would take her to the CIC without responding.

* * *

Shepard rushed down the corridor to the tech lab where Mordin was working. The Illusive Man had just informed her that Horizon was being attacked by the Collectors and they needed a way to combat the seeker swarms _now_. Mordin looked up as Shepard entered and nodded, already knowing what she was going to ask. She let out a sigh of relief as he showed her what he had developed.

"EDI, let Garrus and Zaeed know I want them prepped and in the shuttle bay in ten." She called to the AI as she ran to get her own armor and weapons. She wanted Zaeed with her because she needed to convince him that their fight was necessary, not just something to be paid to do. She figured seeing the Collectors taking colonists might do that.

Garrus she wanted with her... well, because she trusted him.

Two hours later the shuttle dropped them off on the planet's surface. They checked their weapons and headed towards the center of the colony. Mordin came over the com and explained how the armor upgrade he developed should make them invisible to swarms as they walked. He had just finished speaking when they ran into the first group of Collectors. They fought their way through the colony destroying anything that stood in their way.

Shepard stopped at one point to point out a husk corpse. She explained to Zaeed exactly what they were and where they came from and was relieved to see he looked slightly shaken. They stopped again when they came to the first colonists. It was a man standing over a woman trying to help her up. They were both completely frozen in that pose but Shepard could see recognition flicker behind their eyes as colonists saw them. The further in they moved the more frozen colonists they saw until they ran into another wave of Collectors.

Shepard took out the first one she saw before she dove for cover. There was a boom of a sniper rifle and Zaeed ducked down into cover next to her.

"Bloody good fight." He grinned then jumped over the crate they were hiding behind to punch a husk. Shepard rolled her eyes, stood up and sent a shockwave to the nearest Collector. It sent him flying back and she grinned.

The grin turned to a look of disbelief as the Collector was suddenly jerked upward to suspend over the ground. It's body shuddered and it's head was thrown backwards in a silent scream. There was a bright flash and suddenly the Collectors skin was cracked and charred. The Collector fell back to the ground and looked up to reveal glowing eyes. Shepard shivered as she realized the cracks in it's skin glowed, it looked eerily like her own scars.

She activated her biotic charge and stormed the strange Collector. She slammed into it forcefully and stumbled back. Shepard's eyes widened as she realized the Collector hadn't moved at all. She raised her gun to shoot but it was faster; it's clawed hand shot out and wrapped around her throat lifting her from the ground.

"If I must tear you apart, Shepard, I will." It's words seemed to echo through her mind. It had spoken! It knew her name!

"Who are you?!" She bit out, pulling against the pressure on her throat.

Its four glowing eyes burned into hers. "I am the Harbinger of your ascendance." Her eyes widened in comprehension.

"Reaper!" She whispered.

"A label created to give voice to your destruction. In the end, _we_ are your destiny." It's grip tightened until spots danced in her vision and it pulled her close to it. She could feel the heat emanating from it's charred body. "You have such potential, Commander Shepard."

There was a boom at the same time the Reaper-controlled-Collector's head snapped back. Shepard collapsed to the ground and she looked up in time to watch the Collector's body disintegrate.

"Shepard!" Someone cried and suddenly Garrus was at her side pulling her to cover. "Are you alright?" He asked desperately.

"I'm fine." She choked out. Her throat was sore and her voice hoarse, but she would live. "Let's take these bastards down." He gave her a searching look then nodded.

They fought their way through the Collectors and when another one rose into the air and started to glow, Shepard didn't hesitate, she loaded its body with bullets until it disintegrated into ash.

When they found a man hiding in a sealed off building Garrus suggested she take a moment to rest but she brushed him off. They needed to stop the Collectors and rescue what colonists they could. Zaeed didn't say anything but leaned back against the wall and watched the exchange with narrowed eyes. When Shepard insisted they keep going he fell in behind her immediately.

Her throat still hurt and every order she shouted caused a twinge of pain but she ignored it. She had two arms, two legs, and a burning rage in her chest. That was all she needed.

* * *

After what seemed like forever, EDI finally got the gun turrets up and running. Shepard watched with a mixture of triumph and horror as the guns fired on the Collector ship and it began to pull away from the planet. They had stopped the Collector but so many colonists had already been taken and there was no way to rescue them.

"No," A colonist shouted running towards them, "Don't let them get away! Half the colony's on that ship! Egan and Sam and... and Lilith. Do something!" He was staring up at the departing ship, shouting in utter anguish.

"There's nothing we can do. I'm sorry, I did the best I could." Shepard knew it was no comfort, but it was all she could offer.

"More than most, Shepard." Garrus said quietly behind her. She turned to look at him and his mandibles tightened to his face.

"Shepard?" The colonist asked turning to look at her for the first time. "Wait. I know that name."

"Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, Hero of Elysium. The first human Spectre and the Savior of the Citadel." A familiar voice stated coming around the corner. Kaidan walked towards Shepard, his eyes fixed on her face in awe. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost."

The colonist shot him a look of disgust and walked off. Shepard barely noticed, she was too focused on Kaidan. Her stomach had clenched at his voice and wouldn't let go. She was so excited at seeing him, and so nervous.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did." He said softly taking a couple of steps towards her. He hesitated for a moment watching her face, then he took that final step and embraced her. Shepard almost let out a sob of relief. He wasn't running from her. He didn't cringe at the sight of her face. He was giving her a _hug_.

"It's been too long, Kaiden." She said when they pulled apart. It took all of her control to stay calm. "How have you been?" A shadow crossed his face at her words.

"That's all you have to say?" he demanded, "You just show up after two years and act like nothing happened. I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real. I... I loved you." She blinked at his revelation and the anger in his voice. She opened her mouth to say something but he wasn't done. "I mourned you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you contact me? Why didn't you at least let me know you were alive?"

"Not my choice." She told him, silently begging him to understand, "I spent the last two years in some kind of coma while Cerberus rebuilt me." She didn't want to tell him that she had been dead. It seemed too... unnatural.

A look of horror crossed over Kaidan's face and he took a step away from her. A large stone landed painfully in her stomach. Oh God, there it was. Tali had recoiled from her in exactly the same way.

"You're with Cerberus now?" he asked quietly glancing at the two men behind her, "Garrus, too? I can't believe the reports were right?"

"The reports?" Garrus asked when Shepard couldn't form the words. "You mean you already knew?"

Kaidan took another step back and shook his head. "Anderson stonewalled me but there were rumors that you were alive. That you were working for the enemy."

Sudden anger blossomed in Shepard's chest. How could he think that of her? How could any of them? After she had risked everything to go after Saren. He had been with her every step of the way, how could he possibly think that she would turn her back on what she believed in. She was sick and tired of having to defend herself to everyone.

"I'm not working for the enemy, Kaiden." She snapped glaring at him. "Collectors are taking human colonies, you saw it happen! And yet the Alliance, and the Council, aren't willing to do anything about it. Cerberus is. They're giving me the resources to go after the Collectors but I don't _work_ for them." He throat hurt when she was finished but it was a good pain. It distracted her from the ragged hole in her chest.

"You can't really believe that! You know what Cerberus is capable of!" He raged moving towards her in his anger. "You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me!" Shepard clenched her fists as he invaded her person space but resisted the urge to punch him. Behind her, she heard the two men shift.

"I've betrayed nothing!" she growled at him, "I am doing this for the galaxy. The Collectors are being controlled by the Reapers!"

He stared at her for a long time. "I want to believe you Shepard, I do. But I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the treat of the Reapers to manipulate you." She sucked in a breath at the accusation. He should know her better than that.

"This guys a blood idiot." Zaeed said quietly. The words helped ground her.

"I can see you're not going to listen to reason." Her voice was dangerously quiet but he seemed oblivious.

"You show up after two years and tell me you're working for Cerberus. Where does reason figure into any of this?" He asked and she clenched her jaw. "You've changed Shepard, but I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be." He took a step back and gave her a disgusted and betrayed look. "I've got to get back to the Citadel. They can decide whether to believe your story or not."

He turned around and walked away. Shepard stared after him wondering if it would be worth it to pull her pistol and shoot him in the back. She was so angry she wanted to scream. She wished that the Collectors would come back just so she would have something to fight.

Finally she raised her hand to ear and activated her com. "Joker, send the shuttle around to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony."

* * *

Shepard took just enough time to talk to the Illusive Man and hold a debriefing for the crew. Then she headed up to her cabin and locked herself in. The anger had faded long ago and now she was left with nothing but this hollow ache in her chest. Did Kaidan and Tali see something that she didn't? Was there something wrong with her? Maybe she _was_ being manipulated. Maybe Cerberus _was_ controlling her. And the question that had been haunting her from the moment she woke up.

Maybe she wasn't even Shepard.

She poured herself a glass of whiskey from her private stock and was just about to take a drink when a knock came from her door. She hesitated, for a moment considering ignoring it. But she was the crew's commander, that didn't change just because she wanted to throw a pity party.

Setting the drink down, Shepard walked to door. She hit the panel and the door slid open to reveal a very awkward look Garrus.

"Hey, Shepard... I just wanted to see how you are doing." He said quietly his mandible's twitching in discomfort. She considered telling him she was fine and sending him away but – goddamn it! He and Joker were the only ones from her original crew that still believed in her, and she couldn't see Joker coming up to visit her.

She stepped aside. "Come on in, Garrus." He stepped inside and looked around.

"It's... nice." He said, taking in her cabin.

"It's too big." she argued. His mandibles twitched in a smile and he turned to look at her. The expression fell from his face as he saw her neck. Gently he reached out and touched the skin at her throat.

"Have you been to see Dr. Chakwas?" he asked concerned. She shook her head, dislodging his touch.

"No. Does it look that bad?" It hurt like the Dickens but she hadn't actually seen herself in the mirror yet. Garrus's concerned expression was all the answer she needed.

"It knew your name." he said quietly after a moment. Shepard took a deep breath and turned away, it looked like she needed that drink after all. She stepped down the two steps and grabbed the glass from her coffee table. She took a long drink and grimaced as it burned its way down her throat. Maybe if she drank enough of it, it would numb the pain.

"I'm sorry I don't have any turian drinks for you." He didn't say anything so she sighed and took a seat on the couch. At her pointed look, Garrus did the same.

"Yeah, it knew my name." she said quietly, "It was a Reaper – Harbinger. I don't know how but it was controlling the Collector. Probably the same way Sovereign controlled Saren."

"Does that bother you?" Garrus asked while she took another long drink.

"Honestly, not as much as..."

"Kaidan?" Shepard's lips tightened at the memory.

"Tali reacted the same way, you know." she confessed quietly, "She didn't use as many words but she still looked at me as if I was a monster wearing her friend's skin."

"But it's worse with Kaidan." Garrus guessed. Shepard looked up at him and frowned.

"Why?" she asked, "Why would it be worse with Kaidan?"

"Because you loved him." Shepard blinked and put down her glass, it was empty anyway.

"Did I?" She asked quietly, "I remember flirting with him and sleeping with him, but I don't remember being in love with him. Is that another thing I'm missing?" Garrus's mandibles fluttered in alarm and he leaned forward carefully to look her in the eyes.

"Shepard, are you... do you not remember everything?" He asked carefully. Shepard let out a humorless laugh that devolved into a sob. But she didn't cry, she would never cry.

"I don't remember anything before Eden Prime." she admitted, "I don't remember my childhood , or when I joined the Alliance. I looked up my record but it's all just words on a page to me." She expected Garrus to pull away from her, for him to look at her in disgust the same Kaidan had, but he didn't.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" he asked quietly. Shepard swallowed painfully and reached forward. She bypassed the glass completely to grab the bottle.

"Because who would trust me? No one would follow me into battle knowing I had giant gaps in my memory. Some would probably question if I was even Shepard. I mean _look at me._" She gestured to the scars on her face and held her breath as she voiced her fears. Garrus was silent for a moment then slid across the couch towards her. He reached out and gently traced the glowing scar on her cheek. His talons were gloved but the feel of him so close to her made her pause.

"These don't matter." He said quietly, "Anyone who ever knew you, knows that you are Commander Shepard. There's not a single woman in the entire galaxy that could ever come close." Shepard heart jumped into her throat at the intense look on his face.

"What about my memories?" His blue eyes bore into her, it made her feel like he could see into her very soul.

"They'll come back." He assured her softly, "Your experiences have made you who you are but there's no doubt that you're still you, even without the memory of them. Don't worry Shepard, I'd follow you anywhere."

The knot that had formed in her chest suddenly burst and Shepard felt like she could float away. She closed her eyes and focused on the feeling. He trusted her, no matter what. He believed in her. Garrus's hand fell away and she opened her eyes to look at him. He was sitting so close to her, staring at her with an intense expression. Slowly, he sat back and looked at the ceiling.

"I should ah..." Shepard could see the way his throat moved as he swallowed, "I should go."

"Okay," she agreed as he stood up stiffly, "Thanks for the talk Garrus."

"Anytime." He said then paused on his way to the door and looked at her, "I mean it Shepard, anytime." She smiled slightly and nodded. He turned and quickly left the room.

She didn't blame him for leaving, you weren't supposed to see your Commander fall apart. But she appreciated his offer. If felt good to talk to someone about how she felt. It felt to good to know she wasn't alone.


	7. Chapter 7

"You really should have come to me as soon as you got back yesterday." Dr. Chakwas criticized as she tentatively touched Shepard's neck. Shepard winced and pulled away. "You're trachea is bruised. I suggest limiting the shouting you do in the next couple of days and eating only soft foods and liquids."

"Uh huh." Shepard replied absently, picking back up the data pad she had set down and scrolling through the information. The doctor looked down at her patient disapprovingly.

"I mean it, Commander." Shepard blinked and looked up.

After a moment she smiled apologetically. "No yelling and no tough steak – got it." Dr. Chakwas sighed and threw up her hands in defeat.

"Just... come back to me if it gets worse." She said. Shepard nodded and slipped off of the bed. She muttered her thanks and headed towards the door, her eyes glued to the screen in front of her.

After horizon the Illusive Man had sent her three more dossiers of people he felt might be assets to her crew. She had pouring over the email all morning trying to gather as much information as she could on these people. The first two could both be picked up at the same place... it was the third person that concerned her.

Tali.

The Illusive Man wanted her to recruit Tali. After what happened on Freedom's Progress, Shepard was not looking forward to their next reunion.

"EDI," she called as she stepped into the elevator, "Let Joker know to set a course for Illium."

"Of course, Commander." The AI replied immediately. Instead of going up to her cabin or to the CIC, Shepard hit the button down to Engineering. She exited the elevator and immediately made her way down to the bowels of the deck.

"What do you want?" Jack asked as soon as Shepard stepped off the stairs. Shepard didn't answer immediately, she took a couple of steps into the room to survey the tattooed woman. Jack was rude, arrogant, and dangerous. And Shepard wasn't intimidated by any of it. Sure, Jack could probably do some serious damage if she put her mind to it, but there was something about her that reminded Shepard of a wounded dog baring its teeth.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing." She said evenly, crossing her arms.

Jack narrowed her eyes. "Don't think that just because you let me see those Cerberus files that we're buddy-buddy."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Shepard replied. She nodded towards the files that were on the bed next to Jack. "You find anything in them?"

"Your friends in Cerberus are into some nasty things." Jack jutted out her chin and shot her a challenging look.

Shepard shrugged as though it didn't bother her. "No surprise there." Jack grunted in disgust.

"I'm going to find something useful and I'm going to make them pay." She promised. Shepard nodded, they had already discussed Jack's anger over what Cerberus had done to her.

"We're heading to Illium," she said shortly, focusing on the reason she came down here. "I'm giving the crew a 96 hour leave once we get there. I'm recruiting an assassin the first night and an asari justicar the second. I could use your help with the second."

Jack snorted. "Of course you could." She looked up and sneered at Shepard. "I'll help you get your asari. Then I'm getting shit-faced drunk and finding someone to either fight or fuck. Depends on how I'm feeling. You should think about doing the same." She smirked and Shepard answered with one of her own.

"I'll consider it."

* * *

An asari with a welcoming smile greeted Shepard as soon as she stepped foot on Illium.

"Welcome to Nos Astra, Commander Shepard." she greeted, "We've been instructed to wave all docking and administrative fees for your visit. My name is Careena. If you need information about the area, it'll be my pleasure to assist you."

Shepard's eyes narrowed. "Who instructed you to wave the fees?"

The asari's smile didn't falter for one moment. "The order came from Liara T'Soni, who paid all fees on your behalf." Shepard's eyes widened. Liara... she was here? "She also asked that I direct you to speak with her at your convenience. She's near the trading floor." Careena continued, glancing at her omni-tool.

Shepard swallowed hard and nodded. She didn't stay to chat but stepped past the woman and started down the hallway. She found Liara's office easily but stopped at the stairs leading up to it, unable to make herself go further. Anxiety burst within her, warring between fear and excitement. What if she was rejected again? Could she stand to see that look of revulsion in Liara's face? Did she want to put herself through that? But she already paid for the docking fees, doesn't that mean that Liara wanted to see her? But Liara hadn't seen Shepard's face yet, she hadn't seen the scars.

_Get over it Shepard. _She snapped to herself. _Either she'll be excited to see you or she won't. Just get it over with. _Shepard took a deep breath and forced herself to move up the stairs.

Liara's assistant greeted her with a smile and waved her in, saying that Liara was expecting her. Shepard nodded and stepped through the door. The office was spacious, with a large window that looked out across Illium. Liara stood facing that window, talking to someone on her vidscreen.

"Have you ever faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have." The woman spoke smoothly, seductively. The man that she was speaking to looked positively terrified. "I'll make it simple. Either you pay me, or I'll flay you alive. With my mind."

Shepard shivered. The first part was the exact same words that Benezia had used right before she had tried to kill her. But Liara hadn't been there for that. Why would she have said it? For a moment, Shepard almost pulled her gun but then the asari turned around and her face broke into a grin.

"Shepard!" She grinned, "Nyxeris, hold my calls." She stepped forward and embraced Shepard. Shepard wanted to hope, she really did. But Kaidan had hugged her too, right before he ripped out her heart. "My sources said you were alive, but I never believed. It's very good to see you."

"You're threatening to flay people alive now?" Shepard asked. Liara let out a small laugh and gave some sort of excuse about how the man was refusing to pay for the information she had given him. Shepard nodded, but inside she was crying for the asari that had seemed so innocent the last time she saw her. Two years was a long time.

They spoke for a while and Shepard learned that Liara was gunning for the information broker. She had become talented and resourceful over the past two years. And ruthless. But there was something in her demeanor that seemed off to Shepard. Her anger didn't match the reasons that Liara gave. Shepard tried to coax it out of her but eventually she just flat out asked.

Liara stiffened slightly and got up out of her chair to stare out the window. "Did Cerberus every tell you how they recovered your body?" She asked softly. Shepard frowned at her. What did that have to do with anything? Liara continued before she had a chance to speak. "I gave it to them. I gave _you _to them, Shepard. Because they said they could rebuild you. And to do that I had to take your body from the Shadow Broker. He was going to sell you to the Collectors."

Something caught in Shepard's throat and she stopped breathing for a moment. Liara saw her reaction and eyes grew wide. "When I gave you to Cerberus, I told myself that I was doing it for you. For a chance to bring you back" She spoke quickly, almost desperate to get it all out. "But I knew Cerberus would use you for their own business. And I let it happen. Because I couldn't let you go... I'm sorry." Her voice trailed off and cracked at the end.

Shepard just stared at her. She wanted to sooth the guilt-ridden self-loathing in her friend's eyes but all she could think about was the waves and the shadows. She had died. She had been dead and yet here she sat staring at the face of the person who made her resurrection possible. Maybe it would have been better if she had never come back? Would it have been so horrible if she had just given into the peace that was offered?

Shepard snapped back to herself. What the hell was she thinking? She had fought that peace for the chance to continue fighting. She was alive again. It was impossible, and it was wonderful, and it was all because of Liara.

"You don't need to apologize." Shepard said with a soft smile. "You did the right thing."

Liara let out a sob of relief and slumped in her seat. "Thank you. I... I was afraid you would hate me."

"Never." Shepard promised and all of the tension that she felt dissipated. Liara didn't hate her. She wasn't afraid of her. She had risked everything to bring her back. Liara closed he eyes and took a deep breath. She looked as though she was trying to commit that one word to memory.

When she opened her eyes again Shepard thought she looked more like her old self. "Tell me, is there anything or anyone I can help you find?"

* * *

Things had gone wrong from the moment Thane Krios heard gunfire. Somehow Nassana Dantius had found out that someone had hired him to go after her and sent her mercenaries to clear out the building. Instead of ushering the salarian workers from the building, the mercs had opened fire on them. It angered him and twice he stopped his pursuit of his target to lock the terrified workers in a room and out of immediate harm. The innocents should not have to suffer for this woman's cruelty.

The assassin moved through the vents as quickly and as quietly as he could. The mercs were a setback, but not an insurmountable one. They did not know that he was bypassing them through the ventilation shafts. He had just maneuvered though the elevator shaft and onto the next floor when he heard two mercs discussing the intruders through the open vent.

At first, Thane thought that they were speaking of him but the more he listened the more he realized that they spoke of someone else. He had thought that the gunshots he heard had been mercs shooting more workers but perhaps he had been mistaken. There was someone else here and they were fighting towards the same goal he was. The thought made something twist in his stomach, something he had not felt in a very long time.

This was... unexpected.

The knowledge that someone else was after the same bounty as him spurred him to move faster. The sounds of gunshots and explosions urged him forward, pushing him towards his goal. These intruders challenged him in a way that he had not experienced in a long time. He found himself anticipating the finish line, when he might finally meet his competition. But he had to get there first.

He was almost there, he knew it. He had studied the layout of the building meticulously and he knew that all he had to pass through was the open bridge that connected the buildings before he reached Dantius's private office. Unfortunately, the last of her guards were posted along the bridge, they had covered every avenue and were surprisingly vigilant in their watch for intruders. Thane watched their movements from the dark corner of his vantage point and considered how best to tackle this obstacle. He was just about to make his move when three people came barreling out of the building and opened fire on the mercenaries. From where he was, Thane couldn't see who they were but he could tell they were heavily armored and highly skilled. There was only three of them against almost thirty and yet they picked through Dantius's guards as if they were made of paper. Thane wanted to stay and see what these three were capable of, but he had a job to finish.

Taking advantage of the chaos he slipped from his position and made his way across the bridge. No one saw him. He was sure of it. Once on the other side, Thane located the vent in the corner and wormed his way inside. He pulled himself up through the vent, until he was above the ceiling and made his way towards the office.

He saw her.

The asari, that was his target, paced back and forth in the middle of the room; she looked restless and angry. There were three mercenaries with her, armed and pointing their guns at the door. He processed this quickly and moved to drop in on them when the door burst open and the three commandos entered the room.

"Wait!" Nassana Dantius demanded spinning around to face what she thought was the real threat. She had no idea that he stood right above her, staring down at her head. "Before you kill me, just tell me who hired you." Thane hesitated, he was curious about that as well.

"I'm not an assassin Nassana," a woman replied coyly, "but I'm looking for one." Thane blinking in shock, they were looking for _him_?

He leaned forward and adjusted in position so that he could see the newcomers. A heavily armed human woman stood in front. She was flanked by a turian and a krogan. The woman was small with bright red hair and glowing scars that indicated cybernetic implants. She looked... familiar.

"You break in here and decimate my security just to find the person who's here to kill me?" Nassana shouted in outrage. The human woman didn't seem at all concerned but the warriors on either side of her adjusted their position so that they could better protect her. Interesting. "What are you playing at Shepard?" The asari demanded.

Thane started in recognition. The woman was Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel. No wonder she had seemed so familiar, her face had been on every billboard across the galaxy after the attack. But he thought she was dead. His startled movement caused him to hit his shoulder on the side of the vent and he cursed his recklessness.

"Damn it! Check the other entrances!" Nassana snapped at her bodyguards. Thane took a breath and calmed himself. He had let himself be distracted, but he had a job to do. His target turned back to Commander Shepard. "You stay put."

She continued talking but Thane didn't pay attention to her words. He dropped silently from the ceiling to the floor and rose up behind one of the guards. Commander Shepard saw him and her brow rose slightly but she didn't say anything. Thane stepped forward and snapped the guard's neck, he punched the next one in the throat then took the man's gun and shot the third. All three were dead before his target had even finished her sentence.

The asari whirled around in shock but he didn't give her time to speak. He stepped close to her and pulled the trigger, firing a round into her stomach. She collapsed against him. Gently, he lowered her body to the table and crossed her arms over her chest. He stepped back and lowered his head to his clasped hands.

"Impressive. You certainly know how to make an entrance." the turian said. Thane did not answer him.

_Amonkira, Lord of Hunters. I thank you for leading me true and I ask forgiveness for the life I have taken. Grant her passage across the sea. _

Commander Shepard took a couple of steps towards him but he did not look at her. Not yet. "I was hoping we could talk." She said tentatively. He hesitated, then continued in his prayer.

"I apologize. Prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken." He replied when he had finished.

"Do you really think she deserves it?" She asked. Thane cocked his head and considered her words. Is that really what she thought?

"Not for her, for me." he told her finally. He looked at her then. She was not staring at him distaste or pity, rather she seemed to honestly be considering his words. He studied her face, the pale smooth skin, broken by orange scars. The bright fiery hair that brushed against her cheeks. His jaw clenched when he saw the dark purple ring of bruises around her throat, but he forced himself to relax. When he met her eyes, bright green like a shining gem, he found her studying him just as intently. She did not seem to be the kind of person drawn to senseless violence.

Thane dropped his hands and walked slowly around the table. "The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. Take you for instance. All this destruction... chaos." He paused to study her face but it was impassive, unreadable. "I was curious to see how far you'd go to find me. Well... here I am." It was a lie, of course. Thane had thought that Shepard and her team had been after his target. But there was no need to tell her that.

"You knew I was here." It wasn't a question but he answered it anyway.

"Gunfire and explosions." he explained. The turian had put away his weapon but the krogan still had his drawn and was pointing it at him. Thane stepped past Shepard until the gun was almost touching his chest. He stared at the krogan in silent challenge while he spoke. "I prefer to work quietly. If I have to fight through guards, then I've made a mistake. I rarely make mistakes. You disrupted my plan, but your distraction eventually proved valuable." The krogan snarled at him then glanced over his shoulder to the human and reluctantly dropped the gun. Thane stared at the krogan for a moment longer before turning back to the woman.

She was silent for a moment, studying his face. For what, he could not tell. "There's a race out there called the Collectors, they're abducting human colonies. I'm going to stop them." There was no bravado in her voice, just simple undeniable truth.

"Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega-4 relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so." he stated bluntly watching her carefully for any emotion that might reveal her goal. She smirked, that was all. Her eyes did not change. Her face did not shift, save for the small twitch of her lips.

"They say it's a suicide mission." She agreed. "I intend to prove them wrong."

Thane turned away from her to look out the window and consider her words. "A suicide mission." He repeated. This was to be his last job, but he did not want to die in a hospital bed gasping for air. Perhaps Commander Shepard had come as an answer to his prayers. "Yes, that'll do nicely." He glanced at her and saw confusion dance across her eyes. It did not touch her face but he was more likely to believe the emotion in her eyes than what what was expressed on her skin. "I am dying. Low survival odds don't concern me. Your missing colonists does." The confusion in her eyes was replaced with something... something darker... something he could not interpret.

"We're all dying." She said softly, then loader she asked. "How long do you have?"

Thane blinked. "If you like, we can discuss it on your ship." Shepard shifted and he realized that he had just agreed to join her crew without meaning to.

"Why do the colonists concern you?" she asked and he appreciated the wariness he heard in her voice.

"They are innocent, yes?" She nodded. He turned back to the window and shifted to dispel some of the tension he felt. "The universe is a dark place. I'm trying to make it brighter before I die. Many innocents died today." He said thinking of the salarian workers. "I wasn't fast enough and they suffered, I must atone for that." He didn't expect her to understand but surprisingly, she nodded. He turned to her and saw... acceptance in her eyes. "I will work for you Shepard. No charge."

She held out her hand and he grasped it firmly. "The Normandy will be docked at port for another 72 hours. You can board any time before we leave."

"I will gather my things and meet you there." She nodded then turned back to her squad. He watched her speak to them calmly surrounded by the death in the room. She was a very interesting woman.


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard groaned and rubbed her face. God, she was hungry. She had gotten hit with some Minagen X3 while she, Kasumi, and Jack were trying to hunt down Samara's information. It had given her an amazing biotic boost, but had left her ravenous and exhausted. All well that ended well, though. They had gotten the information and the Justicar had agreed to join their mission. She had even sworn some sort of oath to Shepard.

Her stomach gave an angry growl and she hit the button that would take her to the crew deck. The elevator moved painfully slow and she slumped against the wall, briefly considering just falling asleep right there. She hauled herself to her feet though when the doors opened. She shuffled to the mess hall and grabbed a couple of ration bars from the cabinet. She didn't bother sitting down, just ripped open the package and started devouring the food.

"Commander Shepard?" A hesitant voice asked. Shepard turned to see Miranda standing stiffly against the wall. Her hands were clashed behind her back and her eyes didn't quite meet Shepard's. She looked uncomfortable. "Can I speak to you for a moment?"

Shepard quickly swallowed the food. "Sure, Miranda. What's up?" The woman made a small head nod towards the door behind her. Shepard followed her into her office, suddenly curious as to what had caused Miranda to seem so out of sorts.

An hour later Shepard left the room with her mind whirling. Miranda and she had talked about her past before. Miranda had explained how her father had genetically created her and how she ran away from his impossible demands but to think that Miranda had a sister. A twin? It was just... wow. Miranda had looked so concerned when she had asked for Shepard's help, but Shepard didn't even hesitate. Whatever differences Miranda and Shepard had she was still part of her crew, and Shepard would do anything to help her crew.

"Hey Shepard," Garrus greeted, pulling her from her thoughts. She looked up at him and stared. For once we wasn't wearing his armor, he was dressed in a grey tunic with blue stripes around his cowl and down his sides. The outfit hugged his small waist and accentuated the gap between his legs, but for all of that it looked very turian.

"You look different." Shepard said causally after she cleared her throat. Garrus looked down at himself and his mandibles twitched.

"Yeah." He said sounding uncomfortable. "I figured if I'm off duty I might as well enjoy it, right?"

"Right." She agreed just a little too quickly.

"So how did it go with the Justicar?" he asked taking a seat at the table. Sighed and took the seat across from him.

"Fairly well, I guess." Shepard put her elbows on the table and rested her head in her hands. "She vowed some sort of oath to me and is currently mediating in starboard observation."

Garrus's mandibles flickered in surprise. "She vowed an oath to you. That's a pretty big deal."

"Yeah, I know." Shepard frowned. She hadn't had time to process the ramifications of that and she wasn't sure if she wanted to.

"What about our assassin?" Garrus asked.

"He showed up late last night." She replied, "I got a chance to talk to him briefly but we didn't discuss much more than his illness. I thought I might talk to him again before I turned in. What do you think of him?"

Garrus shrugged. "Haven't really gotten a chance to talk to him. I'll reserve judgement until then." Shepard nodded, that was fair enough. "So are you coming out for drinks with the crew tomorrow night?"

Shepard shook her head regretfully. "I can't. I've got business to take care of." Immediately Garrus straightened and his posture became much more professional.

"Do you need some backup?" He asked. Shepard blinked and looked at him.

"Actually... yeah. That would be great Garrus. But only if you want to, that's not an order." She said quickly and he grinned at her.

"I always want to watch you work, Shepard." He replied. Her face grew red and his mandibles fluttered in alarm as he realized what he had just said. "I mean, I want to work with you... That is, fight with you... on the battlefield... side by side..."

Shepard laughed and finally took pity on him. "It's okay. I know what you mean, Garrus. I'll see you tomorrow." She stood up and started away but looked back in time to see Garrus groan and bury his face in his hands.

* * *

Thane's hands were clasped in front of him as he considered the past twenty-four hours. When he had agreed to this mission he had not realized that he would be traveling aboard a Cerberus vessel. Was Shepard not a Spectre? Surely the Council did not approve of her consorting with a known human fascist group. Perhaps there were matters of this that he did not understand. After all, there was also a krogan, a turian, a salarian, and now an asari on this ship. From what he understood Cerberus was a human-first organization and did not usually consort with other races.

The door to his room slid open with a slight whoosh and he smelled sunshine and gun oil as the person stepped into his room. "Do you need something, Commander?" He asked and she paused.

"Am I disturbing you?" she asked softly, "I know it's late." Thane dropped his hands and turned to look at her. She looked...apologetic.

"That's quite alright." he told her, "Drell don't have the same sleep cycles as humans."

"Oh." she took a tentative step forward. "Can we talk?"

"Certainly." He gestured to the seat across from him and she sat down.

"How are you settling in?" she asked.

"Quite well." he replied. "I have spoken with some of the crew and found most of them welcoming."

Her brow furrowed. "Most?" He gave her a patient smile.

"I do not believe that all of your crew are comfortable with aliens on board." He watched as her jaw clenched and she looked away. It occurred to him that the impassive mask he had first seen had been her battle-mask. Here she was not just a commander, but a person.

"I see." She said softly but did not pry anymore. "Why did you become an assassin?"

He blinked at the shift in topic. "The hanar trained my body for this role since I was six years old?" Her eyes grew wide in shock and Thane fought back the rise of annoyance. He had seen others react in a similar manner and he did not appreciate judgment from one who did not understand his culture.

"You've been killing since you were six?" she asked.

"Of course not." he replied a bit more forcefully than was necessary. "I didn't make my first kill until I was twelve. They were training me. I was not to be used and thrown away. I was an investment." He watched as her mouth opened in disbelief, then she closed it and looked away.

"I don't understand." She admitted. So he explained to her how the hanar had rescued the drell and how in return a compact had been established as payment for that gift. It was an honor to be asked to serve the compact but it was not enforced. The drell were free to say no, though few did. Throughout the conversation Shepard never once voiced a harsh or judgmental word and he appreciated it.

"I can't image that." She finally said, leaning back into the chair and biting her lip. "Not being able to have a choice about what path your life takes you?"

"But we do have a choice." He denied. "When I started a family I asked to be freed from my contract and the hanar permitted it. Without question." Shepard's eyes snapped to his and she frowned.

"Yes, but having been raised a certain way... finding something else would have been extremely difficult. I wouldn't have known what else to do." Thane blinked at her words. That had been exactly his problem. He had wanted to settle down with Irikah but he had no other skills, no other way to provide for his family. He was surprised she understood so quickly.

"May I ask you something?" He rested his clasped hands on the table and leaned forward. She nodded. "Why are you working with Cerberus?" Was it his imagination or did she flinch slightly?

"I suppose you have the right to know." She said softly then sighed and sank further into her chair. She suddenly looked very tired and he wondered why she was down here speaking to him instead of in bed. "Cerberus is the only one willing to help me go after the Collectors."

He frowned. "I thought you were a Spectre. As such, shouldn't you have access to all Council resources?" He jaw tightened and she looked away.

"It's complicated." She said hesitantly. "The Council reinstated me as a Spectre but they don't fully support me. They think that I'm delusional, or at the very least easily manipulated. They don't believe in the Reaper threat." Thane nodded, he had seen the vids of the attack on the Citadel and heard the official report. He did not believe that the massive ship that attacked the Citadel had been geth constructed either. But that wasn't the important part of what she had just said.

"Reinstated?" This time he was sure he saw her flinch. She was quiet for a moment.

"I... I died." She confessed softly without meeting his eyes. "I was dead for two years, before Cerberus brought me back so I could help them stop the Collectors."

Thane stared at her. It wasn't possible. One did not die and come back to life, not after so long. And yet... there were the rumors that she had died and if the Council had to _reinstate_ her Spectre status then surely they must have believed it as well. He took in her glowing scars and the red light behind her eyes with new consideration. The process of bringing someone back from the dead would not have been an easy one.

"What was it like?" He asked unable to help himself. She looked at him in surprise.

"Dying?"

"Going across the sea." He clarified. She blinked and her eyes slid away from his to focus on the shadows in the corner of the room. There was a strange look on her face, one he couldn't seem to identify. It looked to be a cross between longing and despair but he had never seen such an expression before.

She was quiet for a long time and he thought that perhaps she wouldn't answer. But finally she spoke. "I never got there... I fought the sea... I fought to come back." The scales on the back of Thane's next prickled at the sound of her voice. There was something _other_ to it... something haunted. Thane fought to speak but no words would come.

Shepard closed her eyes and when she opened them again her battle-mask was in place. "If you need anything, let me know." He nodded stiffly and she walked from the room without another word.

Thane looked out the window to the AI Core and tried to compose himself. It had been a long time since anything had unsettled him that badly. He felt shaken and uncertain. The look on her face... it was as though she were looking beyond this world, to something beyond. And her voice had not sounded like her own.

He had not been thinking about her when he asked that question, but himself. He was all too well aware of his own mortality, and when he had heard that she had died he had wanted her to tell him what it was like across the sea. He wanted to know where his beloved Irikah was and what peace awaited him.

But she didn't offer him peace. She offered him truth.

He shivered as he remembered the way her eyes fell to the shadows. She said she had fought it. She had fought against the sea. He did not know her very well but he found the idea both a cold comfort and a warm terror.

She had fought against the impossible, and she had won. But he did not think it had been without cost.

* * *

**Sorry, I know this one's kind of short. **

**So, we're eight chapters in and I'd love to know what you guys think.**

**Good or bad though, I probably going to keep going. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

Shepard absentmindedly brushed her hair while she thought about the mission the day before. Oriana wasn't what she had expected. Not only was she a lot younger than Miranda but she also looked nothing like the Cerberus operative. For one thing, she smiled a lot more.

Miranda had seemed so happy when she saw her sister. Shepard couldn't get the image of that hesitant smile out of her head. She wondered if she had ever had a sister - If she had ever looked that happy, that relieved to see her.

Shepard put down the brush and pushed herself away from the sink with a sigh. She had promised Garrus that she would go out and drink with the crew tonight. She walked to her closet and pulled out a pair of pants and a plain t-shirt.

"You're not really going to wear that, are you?" A voice asked. Shepard jumped and wheeled around, her pistol up and aimed before she even realized she had grabbed it.

"Kasumi, goddamn it!" She lowered her gun when she saw the thief lounging lazily on her bed. "What are you doing in here?"

"Making sure that you wear something appropriate tonight?" Kasumi said with a smirk, gesturing to the shirt now laying on the floor.

Shepard frowned and picked it up. "What's wrong with this?"

"It's not sexy." Kasumi replied with a snort. Shepard didn't know if she wanted to roll her eyes or growl at the girl.

"And why do I want to look sexy?" She settled on asking.

Kasumi grinned at her. "Because a certain drell is going to be there." Shepard blinked.

"Thane?" Kasumi nodded. "And why do I care if Thane is there?"

Kasumi sighed and sat up on the bed. "I saw you coming out of his room the other night."

Shepard raised her eyebrows. "So? We were talking. I talk to all of my crew."

"That late?" Kasumi asked. This time Shepard did sigh.

"Drell don't share the same sleep cycles as humans." she explained.

"So that's your excuse?" The thief teased. Shepard rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Kasumi, there is nothing going on between Thane and I." She explained as patiently as she could. Kasumi let out disappointed sigh and rose to her feet. She crossed the room to where Shepard was still standing next to the closet and looked in.

"Fine." she admitted grudgingly. "But I'm still helping you pick something to wear."

"Kasumi," Shepard growled, "I do _not_ need help picking out my own clothes." Kasumi gave a pointed look to the shirt still clutched in Shepard's hand. Shepard threw the shirt against the wall. "Fine! What do you suggest?" Kasumi grinned and turned back to the closet.

"Is that dress I got you the only one you have?" She asked sounding indignant. Shepard flopped down onto the couch.

"I don't wear dresses." She explained. Kasumi paused and turned to look at the commander.

"You really need to get back in touch with you feminine side Shep." She put her hand on her waist and cocked her head. "You're a _woman_! Soft curves, gentle looks, sex appeal. Does any of this ring a bell?"

Shepard groaned and stood back up. "I really don't need this. Get out, Kasumi." The thief just rolled her eyes and turned back to the closet. Shepard had the insane desire to grab her gun and shoot the nosy woman.

"Here. Wear this." The woman straightened and held up a bright green shirt that Shepard had bought on the Citadel for some unknown reason. The shirt had small capped sleeves, a low cut neck, and hugged her body like a second skin. Kasumi threw the top at her then grabbed a pain of black stretchy pants that Shepard trained in every so often. Shepard glared at her. Mercenary leaders and military commanders had cowered at the force of that glare but the thief just smirked.

_I've been too kind to my crew. _Shepard brooded. She held the glare for a moment longer then sighed and grabbed the clothes. Kasumi grinned.

Shepard debated as to whether or not to take her gun. She recognized that it was probably not the best idea to have a gun on her while she was drinking but she felt naked without it. She finally decided against it, but did end up sliding a knife in her boot before heading out.

Flashing lights and pulsing music bombarded Shepard before she even stepped inside the club. She immediately saw her crew in the back corner by the bar and headed over. It seemed everyone was there. Jack, Zaeed, and Jacob were sitting at a table talking and throwing back drinks. Or rather Jack and Zaeed were throwing back drinks while Jacob was nursing his. Grunt and Garrus were lounging at the bar and Kasumi was trying to strike up a conversation with the ever stoic Thane. The only ones missing were Samara, Miranda, and Mordin.

"Hey! Look who decided to show up." Jack greeted. She leaned over and handed Shepard one of the many shots that were sitting in front of her. "You've got a lot of catching up to do." Shepard grinned and threw the drink back. It burned like hell, but she didn't let it show. After a moment Zaeed and Jack both started laughing.

"That was Batarian Ale, Commander." Jacob said giving her an impressed look. Shepard raised an eyebrow and looked down at the empty glass. Batarian Ale was supposed to be unbelievably strong. She waited for a moment to see if the drink would take effect then shrugged.

"Keep it coming," Shepard replied, setting the glass on the table.

"Shepard," She turned to see Garrus staring at her, "Your clothes are different, tighter." He looked uncomfortable and Shepard couldn't help but smile.

"Now you know how I felt when I saw you in your tunic." She teased. His eyes grew wide and his mandibles fluttered. Shepard opened her mouth to ask him about it when Zaeed cut her off.

"Hey Shepard, you know the lone warrior song?" He called.

Shepard turned to him and frowned. "Five drinks?" she asked. He grinned and nodded.

"Get your goddamned ass over here, girl. We're doing the dance." Shepard grinned, now she knew he was drunk.

"Hold on. Let me grab my drinks."

"Hurry up." He snapped. She leaned over the bar and grabbed the bartender's attention.

"Five shots of vodka." She ordered. Jack yelled that she needed more so she changed the order to ten. The bartender's mandible's twitched in surprise but he shrugged and poured the drinks. She took the tray and headed over to the table.

"Dance?" Garrus asked.

She grinned at him. "It's an old earth drinking song. Just watch." She insisted. She looked over to see Thane and Grunt watching her curiously. She set down the drinks and she, Jack, Zaeed, and Jacob set them up before stepping away from the table.

"You doing the song Jacob?" she asked, and he grinned.

"I've done it once or twice before, Commander." he replied.

"If we're drinking together, you can call me Shepard." She said and his grin grew wider.

"Stop yammering and start singing!" Zaeed snapped. Shepard nodded and suddenly the four of them started singing an old folk song.

_"The sweat dripped down his brow _

_As he stood amongst the dead_

_Twelve of them he fought_

_But he always took their head"_

They did a little two step dance back and forth with the words. Jack let off a biotic blast at the word head. Shepard snorted as a bottle exploded but nobody stopped.

_"More rose in challenge to destroy his word_

_But he let out a laugh _

_And he raised his bloody sword_

_One, two, three, four – he slaughtered five!"_

With each word they shouted they took a shot. They did a small spin on the word s_laughtered _then threw back the last shot and slammed the drink on the table. Zaeed stumbled on the spin and Jacob flat out fell over, leaving Jack and Shepard to celebrate in their victory.

"Pussies." Jack snorted.

"Impressive." Grunt well, grunted. Shepard grinned then blinked as the edges of her vision blurred slightly. Her head didn't feel fully connected to her body anymore.

"The spin is what usually gets people." She replied gesturing to Jacob still trying to pull himself off the floor.

"Teach me." He demanded. She nodded and glanced at Garrus. "You wanna learn to?"

He glanced hesitantly at Zaeed and Jacob then finally shrugged. "Ah hell, why not?"

Grunt had a hard time with the two-step dance, he kept tripping over his own feet, but he seemed eager to get to the drinking part. Garrus had an easier time and he actually seemed to be enjoying himself.

Shepard did the song and dance two more times before she finally had to sit down. Things were spinning like crazy and she had the god awful desire to start giggling. Grunt kept at it, trying to get his feet to cooperate. But now he was just absentmindedly humming the tune. Jack had wandered off a little bit ago, muttering about finding someone to fuck. Garrus was sitting next to Shepard sipping a turian brandy. Every so often he would glance over at Shepard and his mandibles would twitch, but he didn't say anything.

"I got a bone to pick with you, shweethart." Zaeed slurred, sliding into the seat across from her and doing his best to glare. Shepard raised an eyebrow. "When are we going after Vido?" he demanded.

"The oil refinery?" she asked. His glare deepened and she shrugged. "How about we head there next?" She suggested. Maybe it was just the booze, but she was feeling surprisingly generous.

"We better." He grunted then stumbled to his feet. "I got to go clean Jessie."

"Who's Jessie?" Garrus asked.

"His gun." Shepard replied taking a sip of her drink. She knew she needed to slow down.

"He's cleaning his rifle?" Garrus grinned and Shepard snorted into her drink. It burned it's way up her nose and her eyes watered. She coughed and rose to her feet.

"Here." a voice said pushing a glass of water into her hand before she could reach the bar. She took it and gulped in down gratefully. Finally able to breathe again she turn and smiled at Thane's calm face.

"Thanks." He inclined his head.

"Do you do this often?" He asked.

"Drink?" she asked, straightening and shaking her head. She stopped when everything started to spin. "No. Honestly, this is the first time that I've drunk like this since I came back. I probably should have started slow." She admitted sheepishly and his lips twitched. "Do you drink?"

He shook his head. "I prefer to keep a clear head." She snorted.

"Thank god someone is." She admitted then giggled. She looked over at Garrus to see him sitting as still as a statue. His eyes were fixed on them and his mandibles were pulled tight to his face. "Are you alright, Garrus?" she asked.

"Sure." He growled. She frowned but shrugged when he didn't say anything else.

"Alright. I think I'm going to head back. Make sure you're on ship by 0600." He nodded stiffly and she turned to leave. She stumbled when the floor shifted abruptly and Thane's hands shot out to steady her.

"Would you like me to accompany you back?" he asked calmly.

"That'd be great." His hands stayed on her arm and her back as they made their way to the door.

"What are you singing?" He asked. She blinked at him then realized that she had been humming a tune absently. She shrugged then giggle again.

_I've really got to get ahold of myself. _

* * *

Garrus watched them leave then buried his head in his hand. He had thought it was going so well. He couldn't believe his eyes when he first saw her tonight. The clothes she was wearing had been tighter than any he had ever seen on her before. Her arms had been completely bare and the tight shirt had shown off her small waist. And when he saw the way her collarbones had been exposed he almost stopped breathing. He had never found humans attractive before, but Shepard...

Shepard was something special.

And now she was leaving with that damned drell.


	10. Chapter 10

Shepard, Zaeed, and Grunt had just reached the bridge when a voice came over the com they had hacked. "This is Commander Santiago. If any of you retreat while the intruders are still alive, I'll kill you myself. Now, get the hell back out there!"

"Vido. Sounds like he hasn't changed." Zaeed sneered. He reached for the bridge control but Shepard stepped in his way. Every instinct she had was screaming at her.

"You and Vido know each other?" she asked. He gave her a hard look.

"I knew him. He was a sadistic bastard when we started the Blue Suns together." He said matter of factly, "The Suns only got meaner when he staged his little coup twenty years ago. So yeah, we have a past."

Shepard ground her teeth together. "How come no one bothered to tell me that you founded the Blue Suns?"

"Because it's not common knowledge." Zaeed eyed her as though trying to decide if it was worth telling her. "Vido wiped me out of the records. He ran the books, I led the men. Worked real well for a while. Then Vido started hiring batarians. Cheaper labor, he said. Goddamned terrorists, I said." Grunt looked back and forth between the two of them, trying to figure out why the conversation was relevant.

"Twenty years is a long time to hold a grudge." Shepard crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him.

"A grudge!?" Zaeed's face twisted in a snarl and he stepped forward, jabbing his finger into her chest. Grunt stiffened. Shepard didn't even flinch. "Vido turned my men against me. He paid six of them to restrain me while he put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. For twenty years, I've seen that bastard every time I close my eyes. Every time I sighted down a target. Every time I heard a gunshot. Don't you call that a goddamned 'grudge'." Shepard stared at him until he lowered his finger and took step back.

"You survived a gunshot to the head?" She asked dropping her arms.

"Yeah." he sneered. "And you survived your ship getting disintegrated. A stubborn enough person can survive just about anything. Rage is a hell of an anesthetic." Shepard grit her teeth and resisted the urge to snap at him. She turned and hit the control for the bridge. Zaeed grunted but didn't say anything else.

They found Vido the moment they stepped into the refinery – or rather, Vido found them. He was waiting for them on balcony surrounded by his guards. Shepard walked into the building, calmly taking in the position of the mercs and the avenues of escape. Her gun was still holstered but that was fine, she didn't want to seem like too big of a threat. But Vido barely spared her a glance, his entire focus was directed to the scarred man at her side.

"Zaeed Massani, you finally tracked me down." Vido crossed his arms and gave them a contemptuous look. Even if he hadn't been the leader of the Blue Suns, Shepard wouldn't have liked him.

"Vido." Zaeed reached for his gun, but hesitated as the guards on either side of his old partner focused on him.

"Don't be stupid Zaeed." Vido sneered down at him, "I have a whole company of blood thirsty bastards behind me, ready to kill or be killed on my command." Shepard watched said bastards. They didn't flinch, their entire focus was on Zaeed. If she took them out first, maybe with a grenade, she could get to cover and pick the rest of them off. She'd have to work fast though, otherwise Vido would get away. "Actually, take your shot. Give my men a reason to put you down like the mad dog you are. Again." Shepard felt Zaeed stiffen and she almost called out a stay. Almost.

Zaeed drew his battle rifle with practiced speed and shot at the Blue Suns leader while running to cover. Shepard and Grunt drew their own weapons and dove behind a couple of crates. She waited for the shouts and returning fire but there was a confused pause. Did Zaeed miss? She didn't think he would have made such a mistake, not so close to his goal.

"What was that? Gone near sighted again old man?" Vido asked, echoing her thoughts. She glanced over and saw Zaeed grinning face. Realization dawned a second later. _Shit! _She thought as Zaeed stepped out of cover.

"Burn you son of a bitch." He growled then shot again. The pipe above the balcony exploded and Shepard could feel the sudden heat lick across her armor.

"You just signed your death warrant, Massani!" Vido yelled just before he stumbled away. His mercs stepped forward and started firing. Shepard popped out of cover and took two down when she realized that Zaeed wasn't firing back. She looked over in horror as he started pounding on the gas lever with the butt of his gun.

"What the hell are you doing!" she shouted. Zaeed hit it one last time and a chain reaction of explosions rippled through the building.

"Opening the gate." Zaeed said without a care in the world as the Blue Sun mercs were caught in the explosion.

"Next time you're going blow something up, I wanna know about it first!" She growled getting in his face. Now it was his turn to hold his ground.

"Vido was confident. Had a lot of me." he defended with a shrug, "Now he's lost the home-field advantage. If we keep up the pressure there's no way he's getting out of here alive." Rage and frustration bubbled up inside of Shepard and before she realized it she had swung her fist at his face. Zaeed stumbled back then looked up at her in shock.

"That was reckless and stupid." She snapped at him taking a step forward. To her immense pleasure, he backed up. "You're endangering lives – and the mission – for your own selfish revenge."

"You really want to do this Shepard?" He demanded, trying regain what ground he had surrendered to her.

She glared at him. "I ought to put a bullet in your knee. But thanks to you, we know have a burning refinery to save." He opened his mouth to respond but Shepard didn't give him a chance. She turned around and started walking.

"Jeez, Shepard." Grunt said at her elbow.

"Don't start with me!" She snapped but she didn't turn to look at him so she missed the way his eyes grew wide. They fought their way through the terrace and almost made it to the door when a voice from the balcony behind them made Shepard stop. She turned to see a scarred and unarmed man waving frantically at them.

"Help! We're trapped!" He screamed desperately at them. "The whole place is gonna blow!"

"Leave them." Zaeed growled in annoyance, "Vido's getting away."

The fire in Shepard hadn't lessened and she turned to him with a snarl. "You got them into this situation. You damn well better believe that we're getting them out."

He glared at her and clutched his gun tighter. "There's no time. Vido's probably halfway to the shuttle docks by now."

"Well then maybe you should have used your brain before you decided to blow this place to hell!" She stepped close to him, her face right next to his, and her voice went dangerously low. It would have looked like an intimate moment if it weren't for the fury they were both throwing off. "We're saving them." She glared at him a moment longer then turned away.

Zaeed hesitated and she wondered if he would go after Vido on his own. "I knew this was a bad idea." she heard him mutter angrily but then he fell into step.

The heat was unbearable, even her suits internal temperature gauge couldn't keep her cool. But the worst part was the smoke. For once, Shepard found herself wishing she had brought her helmet. She usually left it behind because she felt like it restricted her vision. But right now, she really could have used the extra oxygen.

Breathing as little as she could Shepard ran through the burning building trying to shut off the gas mains. Water sprayed from the ceiling when she finally got the last one. Only when the doors opened and she saw the trapped workers running free did her anger start to dissipate. She glanced at Zaeed and he was eying her angrily, practically dancing on the balls of his feet in the desire to get moving. She nodded to him and they set off.

They reached the shuttle docks just in time to see Vido's shuttle pull away. "NO!" Zaeed screamed unloading his clip into the vehicle. The window shattered but the shuttle kept going, getting further and further away until it was out of range. Without any warning Zaeed spun around and pointed his gun at Shepard. She had her own raised before he had completed his turn.

"You just cost me twenty years of my life!" He accused. Shepard didn't say anything, she just stared at him, daring him to pull the trigger.

There was the sound of groaning metal and they both turned in time to see the end of the dock exploded. Shepard threw herself to side as a large beam came flying towards them. There was a shout and she turned to see Zaeed hadn't been as lucky. It had landed on his legs pinning him to the ground.

"You all right?" She called.

"What the hell do you care?" Zaeed growled, glaring at her, "I'm fine. Now come on. Get me out of this shit hole." Shepard took her time standing up and brushing her armor off. Zaeed glared at her as she walked over to him slowly and crouched down.

"I'm not sure I want you on my ship Zaeed." She told him calmly.

"If you didn't need me, Cerberus wouldn't have paid my fee." Disdain was written all over his face. "I'll do what I'm paid to do. Nothing more, nothing less."

"That's not good enough." She stood up and pulled out her pistol. "Money doesn't mean much to me Zaeed, and I don't think it means enough to you. I need people who want to be here. You put your own goals ahead of the mission. That's how people die."

Zaeed took a deep breath and lowered his head, but she could still see the frustration that strained the muscles at his neck. "I've survived this long watching my own back. No time to worry about anyone else." It was an excuse and Shepard could hear the hollowness behind his words.

With a deadly calm she put her gun against his head. He looked up in shock. He never actually believed that she would do it. But he believed her now.

"I could really use you on this mission, Zaeed. I want you to be a part of my team. But I don't think you know how to work as a team. And if you don't figure it out, it could cost us the mission." Her voice was low and even. She saw in his eyes the exact moment when he realized that he was going to die. Only then did she take the gun away and flipped it so that the handle faced him instead. "I will help you find Vido and I will help you kill him. I promise you that. But if you ever pull a stunt like this again, I will kill you myself."

Confusion and wariness danced across his expression as he stared at the gun. "You'd help me go after Vido?" She nodded. "Why?"

"Because it matters to you. And because he pissed me off." She told him plainly. Zaeed let out a nervous laugh.

"Alright. _Alright. _I get what you're saying." He grunted.

Shepard smiled. "Good." She motioned Grunt over and together they lifted the beam off Zaeed.

* * *

Garrus stared at the data pad in his hands. He read the message again. He knew what it said and he knew what it meant, but he couldn't seem to get the words to register. There was hollow ringing inside his head.

Again, he read the message and this time he saw his face. The nervous flutter of his mandibles as he told Garrus the false intel. Garrus had foolishly believed it was nervous excitement. His eyes had held Garrus's firmly and his voice had never wavered. Still, he should have known.

The ringing faded. Anger and guilt rose in its wake.

Fighting alongside Shepard, Garrus had avoided thinking and feeling. He tried to pretend that the two years on Omega had just been a bad dream. But now one of his contacts had found something and he couldn't pretend anymore. His team...

They had been a fearsome group, and they had actually managed to do some good. But now they were dead and it was all Garrus's fault.

Garrus and Sidonis's.

The rage that he had felt when he first found what remained of his team returned. But this time it was cold and all-consuming. Garrus had failed them, but Sidonis was the one who had betrayed them. He was the one who would die.

"Mr. Vakarian, you asked me to let you know when Commander Shepard returned," EDI's calm voice echoed through the main battery. "Her shuttle has just docked." Garrus swallowed hard and nodded, not caring if EDI could see him or not. Shepard would understand.

She would help him.


	11. Chapter 11

Jack was lounging on her cot alternating between playing with a knife and flicking through the Cerberus file. Three days ago she had found the name of the planet where she had been kept as a child. She wanted to go. She wanted to see it. And she wanted to burn the fucking place to the ground. But she didn't know if she should talk to Shepard. So she kept going back into the file, trying to see if there was anything she had missed.

The sound of footsteps echoed on the metal stairs as someone made their way down to her hole. The sound was too heavy to be Shepard so Jack stuffed the Cerberus file under her pillow.

"What the fuck do you want Massani?" she snapped as soon as the mercenary showed his face.

"You got a mouth on you, you know that girl." Despite his words his tone was light. Jack snorted but relaxed a little.

"So what do you want?" Zaeed leaned against the wall and crossed both his arms and legs. He was the perfect image of relaxation but Jack could tell he was tense about something.

"I want to talk to you about Shepard." He said, his face was drawn into a thoughtful but stern expression.

Instantly Jack was on edge. "What about her?"

"What do you think of her?" He asked.

"Shit, I don't know. I'm not a fucking psychiatrist."

"If I wanted to ask a goddamned psychiatrist, I would." He snapped in annoyance but he didn't move from where he was. Jack frowned, usually when people got upset they either attacked or fled. He must be serious about this. Jack let out a sigh of disgust and leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees.

"She's not what I expected." Jack admitted reluctantly. "She's intense and a fucking bad-ass in a fight, like she's not afraid of anything."

"Like nothing can stop her." Zaeed agreed.

She nodded. "Yeah, but she's also... I don't know. It's like she actually gives a shit about what you say. I've heard she's got a temper though." She said as an after though.

"That she does," Zaeed mused. "Do you trust her?" Jack's eyes automatically drifted towards the pillow that hid her Cerberus file.

"Fuck, I don't know." She said quietly. When she turned to look back at Zaeed there was fire in her eyes. "I don't trust anyone. But the things that some of the others have said she's done... it's like she's right there but we're still just hearing myths and legends about the Great Commander Shepard. Did you see the way she slammed that batarial ale and just kept going. No one does that. Every time she comes to talk to me she's so goddamned polite I wanna puke, but then I watch her fight and... well I wouldn't want to be her enemy. I don't know what she's capable of."

"Goddamned anything." Zaeed agreed, "And that's why she's a fucking legend." He ground his teeth and look up at the ceiling. He stared at it hard, as if could see through it to where ever on the ship she was. "I think she's got our back but she'd also kill anyone of us if we got in the way of her mission. And yet... I think I'd still follow her just to watch her save the goddamned galaxy."

Chills crawled up Jacks back at his words. "That's a load of shit." She spat to hide how she was feeling. Zaeed's eyes dropped to hers and narrowed.

"If you saw death in her eyes, then you'd understand." He growled.

* * *

Shepard let her head fall into her hands for half a second as the main battery doors closed behind her. A turmoil of emotions ran through her; she happy, scared, angry, nervous, and everything in between.

Garrus had found Sidonis and he wanted her help in going after him. She had said yes. Of course, she had said yes. But she couldn't shake the feeling that this was going to change things. There had been such fire in his eyes, the likes of which she had never seen.

They were already on their way to Haestrom but Shepard had promised Garrus that they would go to the citadel next. He had seemed relieved and she had quickly left.

After the mission on Zorya today had gone so badly and the nervous decision to finally try and recruit Tali, Garrus's news was just too much. Her nerves were fried and her emotions kept jumping around. She didn't know if she was going to throw up or start crying.

But unfortunately the Commander of the Normandy didn't get to take sick days. There was too much to do. Instead she headed over to the starboard observation. She hit the panel on the door and it slid open to reveal Samara sitting cross legged of the floor with a ball of purple biotic light floated in front of her. If someone were to ask her, Shepard would swear that the asari never moved from that position, that she even slept like that.

"Shepard." Samara greeted. Shepard smiled and sat down next to her. The justicar let go of her biotics and turned to look at her curiously.

"I was wondering if we could try that meditation again." She replied.

The asari inclined her head. "Are you feeling stressed Shepard?" Shepard grinned.

"I've got the weight of the galaxy on my shoulders, I'm always stressed." She tried to joke but Samara seemed to see the truth behind her words.

"True enough." she replied calmly, "Alright. Remember what we spoke of last time?" Shepard nodded. Samara gave her a small smile of encouragement; Shepard closed her eyes.

For a moment, all of her other senses were enhanced. She could feel the gentle vibration of the engines through the hull of the ship. She could make out the soft murmur of conversation form the mess hall and smell the faint scent of burnt ozone from Samara's biotics. The mild draft from the ventilation system brushed against the skin on her arm. The unyielding steel of the hull was uncomfortably hard beneath her. Shepard took in all of it and then she carefully blocked all of it out. She pushed it the back of her mind with her errant thoughts and wild emotions.

She let her consciousness drift, taking in everything around and yet noting nothing. Her body felt light and hollow until Shepard couldn't quite remember if she was sitting on the floor or floating in the air. A warm calm settled over her, lending her the confidence and contentment that she didn't usually feel. She realized distantly that this was what she had been searching for all those times she had tried to meditate before. This calm awareness was what Samara and Thane had spoken about, and Shepard basked in it.

Then a cold chill swept over her.

There was a roaring in Shepard's ears that she couldn't seem to get rid of. In fact, the more she tried to push it aside the louder it became until she recognized it for what it was.

The sound of crashing waves.

She tried to jerk herself out of the meditation but she was too deep into it. She fell into the waves and they consumed her.

_You do not belong here. You have stolen it. Come with us. Find peace in your rest. This life is not yours any longer. Let it go. Come with us. We can guide you. Do not fight. You do not belong. This world is no longer yours. You exist on stolen breath. Your life does not belong. Come with us!_

Shepard was drowning in their words and a part of her started to slip away. There was a shiver deep inside of her, where she had placed all of her thoughts and emotions, and she latched onto it like a lifeline. The shiver grew, knotting her belly and squeezing her throat. It wrapped around her and filled her with uncontrollable desire to fight or to flee.

With a burst of clarity Shepard suddenly remembered what this was. Fear. Shepard knew fear, it had been her constant companion for years, feeding her anger and driving her beyond impossible goals. Her fear was her comfort and she wrapped it around herself like a blanket, using it to pull back the part of herself that had already begun to slip.

At first nothing happened, the darkness would not let go. The words from the waves slid over each other become faster and fiercer. The waves were crashing violently against the rock. She was the rock.

Shepard pulled at herself, trying to jerk herself up out of the water. Her fear stopped her from falling any further but it wasn't enough, so she began to feed it. She fed it the memory of Soveriegn and the indoctrinated Saren. She focused on how the husks had been made and the Collector's taking humans trapped in stasis yet fully aware. She thought about what would happen when the Reapers came to destroy all life in the galaxy. She fed her fear until it became a coarse rope of terror tightening around her and squeezing the breath from her lungs. Slowly she began to pull back into herself while the waves begged her to give in. But she wouldn't give in.

She couldn't.

She fought for something stronger to fear and suddenly an image flashed through her mind. It was a young woman with strawberry blond hair and green eyes. She was lying on her side with her hands tied behind her. She was covered in blood. Her back was arched painfully and her head was thrown back but she was staring at Shepard with a determined expression. There was love in her eyes. Her jaw was clenched but suddenly she gasped. She eyes clenched shut. No sound escaped her but when she opened her eyes her lips formed one word. _Rose. _

The rope of terror became a net, engulfing her and jerking her to the surface. Shepard's eyes snapped open and she took a gasp of breath. She was sitting on the floor of observation deck, the floor was hard beneath her, the breeze from the ventilation tickled the hairs on her arm. She could hear voices from the mess hall, feel the vibration from the engines.

There were no waves. There was no cold.

"Shepard?" Shepard started and turned to look at Samara. The asari was still sitting cross-legged but her hands were clenched into fists and her eyes were wide. "Are you alright?"

Shepard tried to swallow but it hurt. The net of fear was still wrapped tightly around her and she found it difficult to think beyond the need to fight or run. She reached a shaking up to touch her cheek and found it wet. That, more than anything else, brought her back to reality.

She didn't cry. Ever.

Shepard took a deep breath and pushed her fear into the back of her mind were it lived.

"I'm fine." She told Samara. Her voice was so calm it was almost believable. "If you would excuse me, I have things to do." Samara nodded politely as Shepard stood but her worried expression did not change.

Shepard walked calmly to the elevator and hit the button. Her movements were concise and controlled but she felt as if she was floating above herself. She held her back straight and her head high all the way until she made it into her cabin. The doors closed behind her and she collapsed.

Her entire body was shaking. She wanted to cry but couldn't. She pressed her forehead to the cool metal floor and forced herself to breathe. The image of the blond woman was burned into her mind. Shepard knew her. She didn't know how or even what her name was, but she knew she knew her. Shepard also knew that she was the reason that the woman had died.

She gave herself three minutes. Three minutes to fall apart and think about what might have happened. Thee minutes to morn everything she lost and couldn't remember. Three minutes to let fear and despair overwhelm her. When those three minutes were up she pushed it all away and forced herself to her feet.

She had a mission to prepare for.

* * *

Thane took a slip of his tea and considered the Commander. Shepard and her team had come back from Zorya not four hours ago and already everyone knew what had happened. Zaeed had disrupted the mission and Shepard had threatened to kill him. From what he had heard, she had apparently put a gun to his head and told him she didn't want him on the ship.

Thane had a hard time believing it. If it was true, why was Zaeed still here? He did not see Shepard as the type of person to allow someone as part of her team just because Cerberus said so. No, if Shepard didn't want Zaeed on board, he would not be. But then why did she put a gun to his head if not to kill him?

It seemed Shepard occupied most of Thane's thoughts recently. He could not seem to figure her out. Usually, he had a pretty good grasp of the type of person someone was from observing them but Shepard was a mass of contradictions. She was kind and yet ruthless. She worked with Cerberus but had no care about what species her crew was. She seemed unstoppable and also incredibly fragile. There was fire in her eyes and also a coldness that he did not understand.

Often times, when he thought of Shepard he thought of Irikah as well. The determination in her sunset-colored eyes as she stared him down and later the kind acceptance. He had not known what to make of her either, but he had given her his heart and had received hers in return.

There was a knock at his door and Thane's hands twitched. Perhaps it was Shepard. But no... she never knocked. She always walked in unannounced and only on occasion apologized later.

"Come in." Thane said, not moving from his chair. The door slid open and Samara strode in. The justicar's movements were calm and her face was impassive but Thane noticed that slight tightening of her muscles that indicated that she was bothered. "Do you need something, Samara?" he asked.

"I would like to discuss something with you." She replied evenly. Thane blinked. They had spoken before in the interest of sharing common ground but this sounded very formal. He straightened and gestured to the chair across from him. Shepard's chair.

"What would you like to discuss?" he asked once she was seated.

"Have you ever seen an individual have an adverse reaction to mediation?" Thane's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

"I am not sure I understand." he admitted, "Mediation can be difficult for some to accomplish but I am not sure what you mean by 'adverse'."

Samara glanced away. She was quiet for a moment before speaking. "I do not wish to betray their confidence but it was fear... I believe that they embraced eternity and found something that terrified them."

"You are speaking of Shepard." Thane guessed. Samara looked up quickly then inclined her head in agreement.

"She had remarkable control. This was only her fourth time attempting to touch the void and I believe she accomplished it but... I have never seen an expression like that upon a living person's face. I thought that I would have to pull her out." Thane looked at her sharply. Pulling someone from a deep mediation could be dangerous. The only way for Samara to do it would have been to touch Shepard's mind. Without permission the experience could be intrusive and painful. Samara met Thane's eyes without apology. "She pulled herself out. But for a moment, I did not think she would accomplish it."

"It is almost unheard of for a person to loose themselves in a mediation. People do not usually venture that deep." Thane argued and she inclined her head in agreement. He pressed the tips of his fingers together in thought. Mediation was a not place of fear, but calm. It was used to center an individual and help them find balance. He could not image anything that would frighten Shepard in the way Samara was suggesting.

Then he remembered the way she spoke of the sea and the way her eyes drifted to the shadows. Thane glanced to the dark corner of the room in consideration. There was nothing there and Shepard certainly had not seemed to be frightened then, but it was the only thing he could think of.

"Did she say anything?" He asked.

Samara shook her head. "Simply that she was fine. Then she took her leave." Thane nodded.

"To answer your question Samara, no I have not seen an individual display fear during mediation." He replied diplomatically.

Samara did not move. "There is another reason that I came to you with this." she admitted. "Shepard is a powerful individual, both in mind and body, but I believe that she is out of balance. It may be dangerous to her in the end. There are few on this ship that she is close to but I believe that you are one. I confided to you so that you may help her."

Thane ignored the sliver of fear that slid through him. He had only just woken up from his battle-sleep. He was in no position to help anyone, least of all Shepard. Not with this. "I believe that you misjudged our relationship."

Samara dipped her head in apology and rose to her feet. "That may be. And I apologize if that is the case but I do not believe that there is anyone else on this ship who would understand the importance of what I have told you. I will let you do with it what you will." She turned and calmly left the room, leaving Thane to his thoughts.


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard jumped out from behind cover and shot at the three geth that Jack had just hit with a warp. "Shockwave!" she warned then threw it into the firefight. It knocked two over and Samara stepped forward calmly to finish them off.

Normally Shepard wouldn't have chosen two biotics to accompany her on a mission, she appreciated have a diverse team. But she had yet to fight with Samara and she wanted to see how the justicar and the convict worked together. So far, it had gone extremely well. Between the three of them, they were a biotic powerhouse.

Shepard spun around a corner and came face to face with a geth. She didn't hesitate, she stepped forward and launched her fist at it's face. Her entire arm cloaked in biotic light, giving her punch more force. The geth crumpled to the floor.

"Nice, Shepard." Jack said from behind her. Shepard flexed her hand, trying to shake out the twinges of pain that radiated through nerve endings. She looked back at her team and nodded, confirming that they were ready to keep going.

They steadily made their way through the buildings. Tali was in the next one over. All they had to do was cross the field that was completely exposed to the sun. Shepard could handle the sun wreaking havok with her shields, and she could handle the geth, but both together were really starting to grate on her nerves.

Shepard hit the button to open the blast doors so they could see what they were dealing with, and immediately threw herself to the side when the blue light from a pulse cannon came hurtling towards her. The spot where she had just been standing exploded.

"Colossus!" Shepard shouted from cover.

"No Shit!" Jack shouted back. Shepard ignored her and opened fire on the synthetic tank. She almost had it when suddenly it ducked down out of sight. Shepard stood cautiously to try and get a better look. A moment later it popped back up, shields fully intact and completely repaired.

"Damn it." She cursed as she ducked another blast. She darted out from where she was and made her way to the field. She was hoping to get closer to Colossus and take it out that way but stopped short when she saw an unfamiliar Quarian taking cover from geth fire. He shouted at her and she ran over to take cover next to him.

"Squad Leader Kal'Reeger. Migrant Fleet Marines." he introduced, "We talked on the radio before the dropship arrived. Still got no idea why you're here, but this ain't time to be picky." Shepard grinned in agreement. Kal'Reeger was spirited and dedicated. It was clear he knew what he was doing and that he was willing to fight till the last breath.

He quickly broke down the situation for her, starting with how the rest of his squad was dead and ending with how he couldn't take down the Colossus because the damned thing kept repairing itself.

"Right side's got a catwalk with a sniper perch. You could wreak some havoc from there, but none of my men made it past the geth," he explained. "The middle's got cover, but the damned colossus has a clear shot at you the whole time, and you've got geth coming in from both sides. The left gives you cover from the colossus, but your ass is hanging out for the geth. That's how I got shot."

Shepard nodded while he spoke. "How are you doing?"

"I'm not moving so well," he indicated his side where a patch of medi-gel covered an open wound. Shepard's lips tightened but she let him continue. "But I can still pull a trigger. I've got a rocket launcher that the sun hasn't fried yet. You move in close and I'll keep the colossus busy."

Shepard gave him a hard look. "If I told you to keep down and let me handle it, would you listen?"

"Not a chance, ma'am." She was certain that if she could see his face he would have been grinning. Shepard grunted in amusement.

"Alright." She finally said. "Samara. Jack. You go through the middle while I make my way down the left and take the colossus out. Kal'Reeger you keep that thing off my team. No one take any unnecessary risks. I mean it!" She glared at each of them in turn until they nodded. "Stay in cover and keep out of the sun. No one else needs to die today."

With those uplifting words Shepard darted out cover and towards the ramp on the left, firing at geth the entire way. She heard Jack curse behind her but quickly saw the purple hue of biotics that indicated they were doing their part. Shepard threw a shockwave to topple a row of enemies then ducked behind cover to give her shields time to recharge. As soon as they were she jumped out again, letting loose a string of biotics and bullets. The threat to her team stayed in the front of her thoughts so didn't waste anytime getting across the field.

She darted through the alcove and jumped back into cover immediately when she saw the geth surrounding the colossus. She cursed silently thinking she was going to have to find a way to take out them and the colossus on her own. But just as she stepped out of cover with her gun raised a purple flash of light shot forward and took out half the geth on the far side. Shepard grinned as she saw Samara round the corner, cloaked in biotics.

They focused on picking off the geth waiting for their cue. Sure enough, a rocket came speeding towards the colossus from the other side of the field. It stumbled back then crouched down and huddled in on itself. Shepard didn't wait for it to get up. She stepped out of cover and threw everything she had at it. She didn't realize that she had been walking forward until it started to spark. Her eyes went wide as the sparks hit her armor. She stumbled backwards and threw herself behind a crate just as the thing exploded. The crate slammed into her and gritted her teeth against a cry of pain.

She took half a second to breathe before pushing herself to her feet. She readied her weapon but there was nothing to shoot at. All the geth were dead. Shepard glanced over at her team as she stepped forward. Samara raised an eyebrow in silent concern and Shepard smiled to let her know they were alright.

Without a word they turned to the red panel that shone on the door. Tali was on the other side. The thought made Shepard's stomach jump like facing down the colossus hadn't. Tali hadn't seemed upset to see her when they had talked on the com earlier, but it was always different when you saw someone in person.

She stepped forward to hack the panel. The room was dark but Shepard could just make out the shape of a quarian on the other side of the room, her back to them. Shepard walked forward stiffly and didn't breathe until Tali turned around.

Tali stared at the data in front of her, not really seeing it. The mission on Haelstrom had gone so horribly wrong, everyone but Kal'Reeger had died and she desperately hoped that the data she had gathered had been worth it. Tali probably would have died as well but Shepard had shown up out of the blue to save her once again. It seemed that Shepard was always there to save her. When Shepard asked she didn't hesitate to join her crew.

But it was still a Cerberus vessel.

Tali couldn't understand why Shepard was working for Cerberus. She understood that Cerberus was the one who brought her back, an impossible feat at that!, but why would Shepard still be playing along with them.

She shook her head and tried to focus on the consol in front of her. It honestly didn't matter. Tali trusted Shepard, even after all this time. She would follow Shepard anywhere, even onto a Cerberus vessel. But that didn't mean she had to sit idly by. She had full access to their ship and she planned on using what information she could gather for the good of the Migrant Fleet.

"Hey, Tali." a flanged voice said behind her. She jumped and turned to see a turian grinning at her.

"Garrus! It's good to see you." She smiled at him, even though he couldn't see it.

"You too." The grin fell away and his mandibles tightened closer to his face. "Tali, I need to talk to you about Shepard."

Shepard leaned forward in the chair and stood up. "Thanks for your time Miranda." She said and Miranda smiled.

"Anytime, Shepard." Ever since Shepard had helped her with relocating Oriana, Miranda had been a completely different person. She had open and honest with Shepard and hadn't questioned her command since. Sure, she had concerns at times, and had no issue expressing them, but it was a far cry from her previous disapproving looks and scornful "_Shepard_."

Shepard thought about the implications of it as she made her way back towards the elevator. Miranda was still firmly on Team-Cerberus - and Shepard still didn't trust the organization - but she couldn't help but feel that she had an ally in Miranda. It went a long way towards making her breath easier.

She smiled to herself and turned the corner to the elevator and nearly ran straight into Thane. "Oh, sorry." She said reeling back. He shot out an arm to steady her.

"It is no trouble," he replied smoothly. "I was looking for you." She raised an eyebrow in question. He dropped his arm and his jaw tightened. "Can we speak Commander? In private." She nodded and he graciously led her towards life support.

"What can I help you with Thane?" she asked once the door had closed behind them. He did not speak at first. Instead, he walked past her to the table on the far side of the room and lowered himself into the chair. To anyone else he might had looked calm but Shepard could see the way his movement were carefully controlled. She followed him and sat in the chair across from him, comforted by the table between them. "What is it?"

As quickly as he had sat down he stood back up and crossed the room to where his guns were displayed. She stared at him in confusion, she had never seen him so restless. "I had a family once," he said finally. "I still have a son. His name is Kolyat. I have not seen him in a very long time."

"You've never mentioned him before." Shepard said quietly, unsure if she should approach him or stay where she was.

"After my wife Irikah died, I left him in the care his aunt and uncle." He replied stiffly, "I have not seen him, or talked to him since."

"Why?"

He was quiet for a moment and when he answered his reply was hesitant. "I fell into a battlesleep while I sought out my wife's killers. It was not something I ever wanted him to be apart of." He paused, waiting for Shepard to respond but she was silent. She didn't know what to say. "Since you woke me from my battlesleep I have used my contacts to trace Kolyat. He has become... disconnected. He does what his body wills."

Finally Shepard got up and went to him. He turned to face her as she approached. "Is he hurt?"

Thane shook his head. "Something happened that should not have. He found out what I am and what I have done. I don't know his reasons but he has gone to the Citadel and taken a job as a hitman. I would like your help to stop him. He is – this is not a path he should walk." His words came faster the more he talked and Shepard could hear the tension hidden behind his calm demeanor.

"Thane, I don't have your tracking skills and I don't have your contacts." Shepard said quietly, feeling empathetic and nervous all at the same time. This was not something she knew how to handle. If he had asked her help to blow something, then she'd be right on board. But this was a delicate and personal matter. She felt completely out of her depth. "Why would you possibly need my help?"

"I don't need your help," he said sounding almost offended, "I want it." She waited for him to continue but he did not. She took a deep breath and rubbed her hand across her face.

"As luck would have it, we're actually on our way to the Citadel." She met his eyes and let him see the depth of her commitment. "I'll help you find your son, Thane." He closed his eyes for a brief, relieved moment and inclined his head.

"Thank you, Commander."

Shepard inclined her head in return and left the room. There was so much to get done. Everyone had one last thing that they wanted to accomplish before they went through the Omega-4 relay and Shepard couldn't find it in her to deny them. She was sure that if she could remember her past then there would probably be something she would want to do as well. But for all of that, she was worried that they were going to run out of time.

Shepard stepped out of the elevator on deck one and immediately saw Tali waiting for her waiting outside of her cabin. She hesitated as the quarian raised her head and looked at her.

"Can we talk, Shepard?" Tali asked hesitantly.

"Sure." Shepard opened the door to her cabin and walked to her desk. "What can I help you with, Tali?" The quarian followed her inside then stood next the fishtank, twisting her fingers awkwardly.

"Someone informed me that I may have been rude to you when we met on Freedom's Progress." She said uncomfortably. "I wanted to apologise." Shepard blinked. That was not what she had expected. Who would have talked to Tali about Freedom's Progress? The only people who had been there were Miranda and Jacob, Shepard couldn't see either one of them talking to Tali about it.

"It's fine, Tali." She said. Tali's head snapped up and she took a step forward.

"No Shepard, it's not." She denied. "When I saw you alive on Freedom's Progress, I was shocked. And then you said you were working with Cerberus and I didn't know what to think. And then everything happened with Prazza and Veetor and I didn't really have time to process it. But I didn't mean to make you think that I didn't trust you. I do trust you, Shepard. I've always trusted you."

Shepard's throat grew tight while at the same time something in her eased. "Thank you, Tali. That means a lot to me." She could see the way the white of Tali's eyes brightened and she imagined that the quarian was smiling.

Shepard followed Garrus into the control room and watched as he slammed the butt of his gun into Harkin's face and slammed him against the wall. They had discovered that someone named 'Fade' was the one who had helped Sidonis disappear and that 'Fade' was the alias of Harkin, a C-Sec officer they had run into two years ago. They had to fight their way through Blue Suns mercs just to get to him but the fire that drove Garrus made him unstoppable.

Shepard hid a wince as the wound in her side twinged. She had stepped out to cover Garrus ass and took a bullet to the side. It had cut clean through her armor and hit a rib but she could tell that it wasn't life-threatening. What hurt her more was that Garrus had seen her go down but hadn't stopped to see if she was alright. He was always the one looking out for her on missions, watching her back and making sure she didn't get hurt. Even now that they had a moment to breathe, he didn't bother to give her a second glance. His lack of reaction just hit home for her how deep he had fallen into this pit of vengence.

"So Fade... couldn't make yourself disappear, huh?" Garrus spat at the man.

Harkin painted a weasel's smile on his face. "Come on, Garrus – we can work this out. Whaddya need?" Garrus's mandibles twitched and he stepped away from Harkin. The man brushed his hands off and rubbed his neck, trying to look at ease and recover what dignity he had lost.

"I'm looking for someone."

"Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants." Harkin's face was twisted in a smug smile. Faster than he could react Garrus stepped forward and kneed him in the stomach. Harkin dropped to the floor with a wheezing cough.

"We're not here to ask favors, Harkin." Shepard snapped. Garrus didn't even glance at her.

Shepard sat back and watched as Garrus beat and bullied Harkin into giving them the information they needed. Finally the man agreed to set up a meeting, telling Sidonis that he was sending an agent with a new identity. Shepard didn't like the cruel light she saw in Garrus's eyes but didn't stop him as he blew out Harkin's knees before they left.

She tried to talk to him on the way to rendezvous spot, tried to convince him that there was another way, but he wouldn't hear of it. He was dead set on his goal. All he could see in front of him was Sidonis's death. It was consuming him.

"Shepard, can you hear me?" Garru's voice sounded in her ear as he found his snipers perch.

"Loud and clear." She replied into the com. She closed the shuttle door behind her and stepping into the square. There was a knot in the pit of her stomach that wouldn't let go.

"Alright, there he is. Wave him over and keep him talking." At Garrus's words Shepard looked across the square and saw a turian sitting alone. His leg was bouncing nervously and he kept looking back and forth. His eyes latched onto her and she raised and hand and beckoned him over.

"Let's get this over with." He said impatiently as soon as he reached her.

"You're in my shot." Garrus hissed. "Move to the side."

Shepard gave Sidonis a long hard look. He had been part of Garrus's team and had betrayed them. He was single-handily responsible for the death of his entire squad. Garrus deserved his anger. He deserved his revenge. She couldn't deny that.

And he would never forgive her for what she was about to do.

"You shouldn't have betrayed Garrus, Sidonis." She said coldly then stepped aside.

His eyes widened in understanding. "Shit!" Shepard didn't hear the shot but she saw the way his head jerked and blue blood splattered the ground behind him.

Something cracked and splintered in Shepard's chest as Sidonis fell to the ground. Around her people started screaming and running and she could hear a child crying but she barely acknowledged any of it. All she could feel was the overwhelming dread that settled on her shoulder and made it difficult to breathe.

She turned and walked away, forcing her leaden feet to take each step. She didn't return to Garrus, she couldn't face him right now. Instead she got into the nearest elevator and chose a random floor.

She walked aimlessly through the ward until she found herself at a bar. She motioned to the bartender for a drink without really looking up. Like magic, one appeared in front of her and she tossed it back, letting the burn of the alcohol spur her thoughts.

She shouldn't have done that. She shouldn't have allowed Garrus to take that shot. He deserved his revenge, she couldn't deny that. But it shouldn't have been like that. It shouldn't have been in the open in front of innocent civilians.

He was in a blood rage, she knew what that felt like. Nothing would have been able to pull him out of it, and nothing would have sufficed until Sidonis was dead. Right now, he was probably pleased. But sooner or later, he was going to wake up and realize what he had done... and he was going to blame her. Because she should have been the voice of reason.

She shouldn't have let him take that shot.

The twinge of pain in her side reminded her of her injury. She should have stopped him then. When he had begun acting out of character and revealing just how far he had slipped. But still she didn't, because some part of her felt that he was right.

It was going to change him now. He had made the decision to kill in cold blood. This wasn't a vigilante's act of justice, this was cold-blooded murder. And Shepard had allowed it. She had enabled it.

When he woke up - when he looked back on this moment - he would know that she was responsible. The thought of seeing that look in his eyes was like a knife in her heart. She closed her eyes and remembered a moment long ago where she had looked in the mirror. Her hair had been lighter and freckles were scattered across her cheeks. There had been a faint scar bisecting her eyebrow and another one across her lip. Her eyes had been giant wells of horror and disgust. She couldn't remember why she had looked like that but she couldn't stand the idea of Garrus mirroring it.

A krogan slid into the seat next to her, massive and overbearing. "You want some company?" he growled suggestively.

"Do I _look _like I want company?!" She hissed, rounding on him in anger. His eyes widened at her expression and he quickly backed up. His arms raised in a placating gesture. Shepard glared at him until he was gone then turned back to her drink.

That had actually helped.

Her anger had broken through whatever sort of funk she had been wallowing in. She didn't have time for this. There was too much to do for her to be crippled by emotion.

Pushing it into the back of her mind, Shepard sent a ping to Thane's omni-tool letting him know to meet her at C-Sec. She had a promise to keep and an assassin to stop.


	13. Chapter 13

She was avoiding him. It had been nearly a week since he had shot Sidonis on the Citadel and he had barely seen her since. She never chose him to accompany her on the missions anymore and the only contact they had was at debriefings, even then she barely looked at him.

He didn't understand why she was acting this way. Everything had gone exactly as planned. There had been that one moment where Shepard had blocked him from his shot and he had told her to move. She didn't and for a frantic second a small voice in the back of Garrus's mind whispered to him to just shoot her in the leg, drop her so he would have clean shot. Horror immediately followed but then he heard Shepard speak and it made any conflict he had pointless.

"You shouldn't have betrayed Garrus, Sidonis." Her voice had been like ice, cold and unforgiving. And then she stepped aside. He didn't hesitate to take the shot and Sidonis died before he had even taken a step.

A weight seemed to lift off of him as he stared at the turian's lifeless body. He remembered the faces of every single one of his team back on Omega. He whispered their names. The last name he said was Sidonis's. He had been a cowardly and selfish bastard but he had been part of Garrus's team and now he was dead. The cyclone of molten rage that had been brewing in Garrus's chest eased and he felt like he could finally take a breath.

He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't even realize that Shepard had left. He quickly made his way back to the shuttle, completely expecting her to be waiting for him, but she wasn't there. He waited for a while longer then headed back to the Normandy. Maybe she had taken a different route in order to avoid the authorities. But that didn't make sense, she was a council Spectre, she had no reason to fear being arrested.

Shepard finally returned to the Normandy hours later... with Thane at her side. Garrus watched them exit the elevator together talking quietly. Thane reached out and touched her waist and Shepard winced. Garrus had taken two steps forward in reflex before he saw Shepard smile reassuringly and say something. Thane's lips moved in response but Garrus couldn't hear what he said. He wanted to get closer to hear what they were saying but Thane's hand was still on Shepard's waist.

He swallowed hard a Shepard looked up and met Garrus's stare. She stiffened then turned and said something to Thane. He nodded, then they turned and walked into the life support room. Together. Garrus stared at the closed door for a moment then turned and went back to the main battery.

If she didn't want to talk to him, then fine. He had calibrations to make. But it had been a week since then and still, she hadn't spoken to him. What had he done to upset her? It had to have been Sidonis, but she had been right next to him the entire time and she never said a word.

No, that wasn't true. He remembered how she had tried to presuade him to follow a different path. He had barely heard her. And now she was angry with him. Because he had sought revenge.

Anger suddenly coursed through him. He chucked the datapad he had been holding against the wall. The screen shattered and it fell to the floor with a clunk. Who was she to criticize _him_? His entire team had been slaughtered because he had trusted Sidonis! The turian deserved to die. She had no right – none! - to judge his action.

Almost immediately shame rose up and washed away the anger. What was he thinking? This was _Shepard. _He owed a lot to her. If there was anyone's opinion he cared about it was hers. But he wasn't going to apologize for killing Sidonis. Maybe though... maybe he could have handled it better. He remembered the brief thought he had had to shoot Shepard when she didn't get out of his way fast enough. And the screams from the people in the square when Sidonis's body fell. There had been a child not ten feet away, and Garrus had killed someone right in front of him.

Garrus's mandibles tightened against his face. He hadn't exactly been thinking straight. But, that didn't mean he was going to apologize.

Shepard sat at her desk writing up the reports on her recent missions. In the past week she had helped Jacob find his father, set off a bomb on Pragia for Jack, gathered information from some prothian research sight, and talked to Aria about locating Vido. It had been a busy week and she wanted to get as much recorded as she could. The reports weren't for the Illusive Man. He had never asked for them and Shepard was pretty sure that EDI and Miranda were already supplying him with their own. Rather, she was writing the reports for the Alliance. When this was all over she still planned on returning to them and she wanted to give them as much proof as she could that she wasn't a terrorist.

For whatever good that would do. Shepard had spoken with both Hackett and Anderson and while they had both been happy to see her they weren't the only voices that would determine if she spent the rest of her life behind bars.

There was a knock on her door and Shepard pushed herself away from the console to rub her eyes. She was at a good stopping point anyway. "Come in." She shouted. The door slid open and Shepard turned in her chair to see Garrus walk into her cabin.

"Garrus." She greeted, rising to her feet after only a seconds hesitation. "What can I help you with?"

He fixed her with a hard stare and Shepard could have sworn he looked as tense as she felt. "Shepard, we should... talk."

She stiffened slightly, she had been trying to put off this conversation as long as possible. "What about?"

"Sidonis. I know that you're angry that I killed him but - "

"Garrrus." Shepard interrupted softly. Garrus stopped talking and looked at her expectantly. His mandibles were drawn tight against his face. Shepard closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Of course that's what he thought, it was the logical assumption and she hadn't exactly given him any other explanation. "I'm not angry at you for killing Sidonis, I'm angry at myself for letting you."

He opened his mouth to say something but Shepard shook her head and turned away. "Look," she said quickly, "just let me explain. You had every right to kill Sidonis, I'm not arguing with you on that. And I know how you felt; that sort of righteous fury that makes you feel justified and unstoppable. It's just that the decision to kill Sidonis was made with that fury and when it wears off and you think back on it you're going to regret your decision. And I knew that, so I should have stopped you." She gathered her courage and turned back to face him. She couldn't read his expression. "I'm sorry."

"What are you talking about?" he asked after a long moment. His voice was low and the flanging effect even more pronounced. "Why would you think that?"

Shepard opened her mouth, then slowly closed it. She stared at him, trying to figure out how to explain it. Finally she spun around and flopped down on the couch with a sigh. She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. After a moment she felt the weight of the couch shift as Garrus sat down on the other end.

She raised her head to look at him. "Do you remember when you told me that my experiences have made me who I am, even if I don't remember them?"

"You don't know." Garrus guessed and she nodded. His mandibles twitched in consideration. "Shepard, the decision to kill Sidonis was mine and mine alone. Even if I do look back on it later and for some reason regret it, I would never blame you. That's just stupid." Shepard sighed then laughed softly and looked away.

"Thanks Garrus." she said after a moment, the tension in her shoulders easing. "I should have talked to you before now."

"Yeah you should have." He chuckled. She leaned back and looked out the window to the expanse of space. It felt good to just sit next to Garrus, she had always felt comfortable with him. "So how are things with you and Tali?" he asked.

Shepard blinked and looked at him. "You? You were the one who told her to talk to me?"

Garrus at least had the decency to look sheepish. "You mentioned that she had greeted you much the same way as Kaiden. Tali doesn't usually act like that so I asked her how she felt when she first saw you."

Shepard stared at him. She didn't remember telling him about Freedom's Progress but obviously he had. "Thank you."

"So does that mean you two are good?" He asked and she nodded. "Good. I'd hate to know that my two favorite girls are at odds with each other." He grinned and Shepard laughed.

"What would I do without you Garrus?" she mused.

He leaned back on the couch. "Crash and burn. Everyone knows that I was really the driving force to defeating Saren." He teased and Shepard shrugged in faux acceptance. With every breath the previous tension dissipated and they fell back into a familiar relationship. "It's strange going into a suicide mission on a human ship. You're people don't prepare for high-risk operations the way turians do."

"Oh?" she cocked an eyebrow, "How so?"

He shrugged, but Shepard could see the way his eyes lit up at the topic. "Turian ships have more operational discipline than your Alliance, but fewer personal restrictions. Our commanders run us tight, but they know when to let us blow off steam. Turian ships have training rooms for exercise, combat sims, even full-combat sparring. Whatever let's people work off stress."

Shepard nodded wistfully. "That is one thing I wish the Normandy had. Best I've got is the hanger deck." Garrus snorted, unimpressed. "Did you do a lot of sparing with your crew members?" He chuckled and Shepard immediately recognized it as the male I-got-laid laugh. She had been in the military long enough to know that laugh.

"I remember right before one mission, we were about to hit a batarian pirate squad. Very risky." He leaned forward as he spoke. Shepard couldn't help her grin as she listened to him play up his story. "This recon scout and I had been at each other's throats. Nerves, mostly. She suggested we settle it in the ring."

"Did you take her down gently...or hard?" Garrus's eyes snapped to hers and Shepard resisted the urge to laugh at the innuendo.

He cleared his throat. "Actually she and I were the top-ranked hand to hand specialists on the ship. I had reach, but she had flexibility." Shepard smirked and Garrus's mandibles twitched when he noticed. "After nine rounds, the judge called it a draw. There were a lot of unhappy betters in the training room that day. We, uh, ended up holding a tie breaker in her quarters. I had reach, but she had flexibility. More than one way to work off stress, I guess."

Shepard snorted. See, she knew it was a I-got-laid laugh. "You and I could work off some stress together." The words were out of her mouth before she had fully processed them and she immediately froze. She didn't mean to say that. It was inappropriate. She was human, Garrus was turian, there was no way he was interested in her like that.

Sure enough, Garrus had stiffened at her comment. His mandibles fluttered and he gave her a cautious look. "I, uh, didn't think you'd feel like sparring, Commander." He had called her Commander. Not Shepard. Commander. If that wasn't a clear enough signal she didn't know what was.

"Why not?" she asked swallowing hard and latching on to the escape he had given her. "I like sparring. It's always good to keep your skills sharp."

Garrus seemed to deflate in relief but she noticed the way his claws dug into armor. "That's, uh, good. I should... probably be going. You know, leave you to what you were doing." He stood up quickly and banged banged his shins into the coffee table. His mandibles fluttered then pulled tight to his face as he righted himself. "Good night, Commander." He opened his mouth to say something else, then snapped it shut and all but ran from the room.

Shepard's face felt hot and she buried it in her hands. She couldn't believe she had just said that! Garrus had looked so embarrassed. She didn't know how she was going to face him. Maybe, just not ever mention this again. Yup. That sounded like a firm plan.

"Commander, the Illusive Man would like to speak to you in the debriefing room." EDI announced through the com. Thank god, maybe the Illusive Man had something that she could distract herself with.

"Thanks EDI." Shepard replied, composing herself. Maybe she was imagining things but it almost seemed as though the Normandy AI had become warmer and more expressive recently. She made a mental note to ask Joker about it as she left the room.


	14. Chapter 14

Garrus and Thane moved silently on either side of her as Shepard made her way through the Collector ship. The entire thing put her on edge. Where were the turians that had supposedly crippled this ship? Where would they have gone? Where were the Collectors? And why the hell did this place resemble more of a insect hive than a space-faring vessel?

They came across an empty pod similar to the ones that the Collectors had been loading colonists into on Horizon. Garrus met her stare over the top of the pod, but didn't say anything. Awkward moment or not, Shepard was glad he was here with her. They stumbled upon a pile of human remains a little while later. Shepard swallowed hard. For some reason the only thing she could think of was that it would probably smell really bad if she didn't have her helmet on.

"Why would the Collectors just leave a pile of bodies lying around?" Garrus sounded disturbed. Shepard just stared at the bodies, she couldn't seem to pry her eyes away.

"They look like they've been experimented on." Thane replied as calm as ever. His composure helped to pull her back to reality.

"There are worse things than death." She said hollowly, turning away.

"They did this to intentionally cause pain." Thane mused. Shepard glanced at him then kept moving. They passed more bodies scattered around and Shepard's apprehension racked up a notch. _Where_ were the Collectors?

They came across a another pod. This one however, had a Collector inside of it. "Are they experimenting on one of their own?" Garrus asked. Shepard scanned the console next to it to see if she could gather any information. She uploaded the data to EDI and ordered the AI to see what she could find.

"Data received. Analyzing." She responded. "The Collectors were running baseline genetic comparison between their species and humanity."

"What? Why?"

"Unknown." EDI replied. "All I have are the preliminary results. They show something remarkable. A quad-strand genetic structure identical to traces found from ancient ruins. Only one race is known to have this structure: the Prothians."

Shepard looked up to see Thane and Garrus looking back at her with identical disbelieving expressions. "The Collectors are Prothians?"

"These are no longer Prothian." EDI corrected, "Their genes show evidence of extensive genetic rewrite. The Reapers have re-purposed them to suit their needs." Shepard really didn't like the was she said that.

"The Reapers don't wipe out civilizations," she realized with horror. "They turn them into monsters and enslave them." Cold chills spread across Shepard's body and she made a promise to herself that she would rather die than end up like that. They kept moving through the ship cautiously and quietly. The recent discovery weighed heavily on their minds.

There was movement in the dark corner off to Shepard's left and she immediately raised her gun. She didn't know if she had imagined it, if something was actually there, or if she had just seen the shadows move. "Did anybody see that?" she asked. Garrus and Thane raised their guns towards where she was pointing before both replying with a negative. Shepard's lips tightened. It was going to be a problem if her hallucinations started to interfere with her missions. Without hesitation Shepard moved on. If it was real, she trusted her team to watch her back.

They found more pods hanging from the ceiling. Shepard's stomach clenched when EDI informed them that there were no life signs. This whole place felt wrong.

"You gotta hear this, Commander." Joker's voice echoed through the com. He sounded anxious so she paused to listen. "On a hunch I asked EDI to run an analysis on this ship."

"I compared the EM profile against data recorded by the original Normandy two years ago. They are an exact match." EDI supplied immediately.

"This is the same ship that attacked me two years ago?" Shepard echoed in disbelief. "Way beyond coincidence." She gave a brief glance back at her team then started forward again, moving faster than before. Right now, she wanted nothing more than to get off this ship.

They passed through an archway into a large open cavern. "Spirits." Garrus gasped behind her. "There's so many of them." The walls and ceilings were completely covered with pods, they had to have numbered in the billions.

"They could attack every colony in the Terminis System and still have room left over." Thane said quietly, even sounded disturbed. For her part Shepard only gave then pods a passing glance before she kept going. Every instinct she had was screaming at her to keep moving.

"They're going to target Earth." Garrus guessed.

"Not if we stop them." Shepard promised without slowing down. Thane and Garrus fell silent and quickly caught up to her. She could practically feel their resolve steeling. They finally found a control panel on a platform on the far side of the cavern. Shepard approached it cautiously, unnerved by how exposed their position was.

"We have not come across any Collectors, alive or dead." Thane mused quietly. "This does not feel right." Neither Garrus or Shepard responded but they both silently agreed.

"EDI, I'm setting up a bridge between you and the Collector ship." Shepard said, accessing the console. "See if you can get anything useful from the database."

"Data mine in progress Shepard." Was EDI's immediate reply. Shepard waited on baited breath as the AI dug through the Collector ship's computers.

"Uh, that can't be good." She heard Joker say before the console in front of her surged. Shepard stepped back and immediately raised her gun as the panels around the platform began to activate. Alarm bells began ringing in Shepard's head and she felt the familiar restless anxiety that always preludes a battle.

"What just happened?" She demanded.

"Major power surge." Joker informed her. "Everything went dark, but we're back up now." He tried to sound calm but was failing and Shepard kept her weapon ready.

"I managed to divert the majority of the overload to non-critical systems." EDI explained. Out of the corner of her eye Shepard saw Thane's attention shift to the shadows that she had just seen move. She hadn't imagined it. "Shepard, it was not a malfunction."

"It's a trap." Shepard said, finally giving voice to the feeling that had been nagging her since she had stepped on board. She turned to Thane and Garrus. "Move! It's a -" Her orders were interrupted as the ground beneath their feet shook and the panel they were standing on rose into the air.

"Son of a bitch!" Garrus vocalized.

"We could use a little help. EDI." Shepard said as calmly as possible, doing her best to maintain her balance as the panel shift and spun in the air. It suddenly jerked to a stop and Shepard stumbled forward.

"I need to finish the download before I can override any systems."

"You better do it fast, EDI." Shepard ordered noticing another panel rising from the opposite end of the cavern. She had just enough time to duck behind the console before the Collectors opened fire.

Shepard threw out a shockwave to disorient them before returning fire. Two more panels connected to the first and more Collectors joined the fight. One of them looked deformed, it had a large mass on one side of its body. It sent out it's own powerful shockwave and Shepard couldn't move out of the fast enough before it slammed into her. Her shields were instantly gone. But Thane and Garrus appeared at her side almost immediately, giving her cover fire while she righted herself.

Her shields signaled they were fully recharged with a soft hum and with it her anger sprouted. She popped out of cover and rained down hell on the Collectors like the devil himself. The Collectors had sprung their trap perfectly but they had completely underestimated their prey. She initiated a charge and shot forward to barrel into the Collectors on the far side of the platforms. Acting on almost pure instinct she used her biotics to tap into her shields and slammed the force of it down on the ground, knocking the remaining Collectors around her off the platform.

Her shields were depleted again but there was no immediate threat around her so she ducked behind cover and let them recharge. With her on one side of the platforms and Garrus and Thane on the other they were able to take out the Collectors in the middle rather smoothly.

"Where are we at, EDI?" Shepard asked as she shot the last Collector right through one of four of it's eyes.

"I need you to manually reconnect me with the console, Commander." Shepard nodded at Garrus to do that while she made her way back to them. She had just reached the console when EDI's familiar blue sphere appeared above it. It startled Shepard with how out of place it looked on a Collector ship.

"Good job. Can you get us back on the ground." EDI filled her in what she had found as the panel started to move. Garrus cursed when EDI revealed that the Illusive Man would have known that the turian signal was not genuine.

"Cerberus is not known for keeping faith." Thane replied, unsurprised. Shepard didn't disagree but the realization still angered her. This was risky and stupid. She couldn't do her job if she didn't have all the facts, but she didn't know why she expected Cerberus to realize that.

"Uh, Commander we've got another problem." Joker cut frantically just as the panel reconnected with the floor. "The Collector ship is powering up. You need to get out of there before the weapons come back online. I'm not losing another Normandy!"

"Move!" Shepard roared. She jumped off of the platform and started racing back towards the tunnel, Garrus and Thane were right behind her.

It wasn't a ghost ship anymore. At every turn they ran into Collectors blocking their escape and every time they had to stop to deal with the enemy she swore she could feel the seconds ticking by. Each one harsher and more dooming than the last.

EDI gave directions through the maze of hallways and opened doors where she could. She didn't have full control of the Collector ship's systems but she had accessed just enough to be helpful. "I'm opening the door on the far side of the room." EDI informed them. They fought through husks and ran from an overwhelming number of Collectors trying to reach it. Thane and Garrus had just passed the threshold and were providing cover fire for Shepard when door suddenly slammed closed.

"Shepard!" She heard Garrus shout before it sealed, trapping her on the wrong side.

"EDI! Get this door open!" She ordered and shot the closest husk before diving for cover. She was trapped, almost out of ammo, and completely out numbered. She expected the Collector forces to descend upon her and rip her apart but instead there was silence.

"You stand alone now, Shepard. Surrender. There is no where else for you to go." Shepard sucked in a sharp breath as she recognized the voice of Harbinger. It echoed through the room and seemed to touch her thoughts.

"What do you want with me?" She shouted trying to buy herself some time. She had three rounds in the assult rifle, five in the pistol, and one in the rocket launcher. She readied the rocket laucher and peeked out of cover. There had to been a couple dozen Collectors, at least. None of there were moving but were fixed on her location. Right in the middle was the glowing possessed form of Harbinger. "EDI?!" She hissed.

"You are impressive to us. We believe you could be of use." It's word seemed to crawl down her spine and into her ears.

She shivered against it. "Never!" She gripped the rocket launcher tighter in her hands and listened to the frantic beats of her heart.

"Why do you resist? Ascension is your destiny."

Shepard took a deep breath and gathered her courage and her resolve. "I don't believe that." She replied calmly, "And that's why I'm going to win."

"Take her." Harbinger ordered and she heard the Collectors start to move.

"I have successfully opened a door on the opposite wall." EDI said suddenly, "I will keep it open as long as I can." Shepard let out a breath of relief and stood up. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. She saw the open door on the other side of the Collectors. They were moving towards her, but not opening fire. They wanted her alive and that terrified Shepard more than anything else. She focused on the glowing form and Harbinger and pulled the trigger on the rocket launcher. The second the rocket left the tube she dropped the now useless gun and activated a charge, aiming not for the Collectors but the open door behind them.

The charge ended just a few feet from the door, she stumbled but kept running. There was an explosion behind her and it lifted her off her feet and sent her flying into the wall. There was a pop in her hip and a loud crack where her head hit the wall. She let out a small scream as fell to the ground, fighting against the spots that tried to take over her vision. At least the door had closed behind her. There was no immediate threat but she knew she had to keep moving.

She pulled herself to her feet and nearly collapsed again when she tried to put weight on her right leg. There was something wrong with her hip. She fought back another scream as the pain rolled her stomach and darkened her vision. She fought against it and struggled down the hallway, using the wall to keep herself up. Force of will was the only reason she stayed conscious.

"Shepard!" She turned sharply and aimed her gun at the owner of the voice. Her vision danced and it took a moment before she recognized Garrus and Thane running towards her.

"Are you okay?" Garrus asked stopping next to her.

"Ammo." She breathed, "I need ammo." Both Thane and Garrus handed her two clips and she reloaded her guns.

"Come on." Garrus wrapped his arm around her waist and supported her as they moved as quickly as they could towards the exit. Shepard held on to his cowl with one hand and her gun with the other. She was still deadly with a pistol but Garrus wasn't as comfortable with the smaller gun. When they realized this he reluctantly passed her to Thane. The pain in Shepard's hip was sharp and unrelenting but she refused to cry out with each step. She knew that her injury was slowly them down, costing them precious seconds.

They finally reached the shuttle and Shepard all but threw herself inside. She fought against the urge to throw up as her hip was jostled again. She pulled herself backwards with her arms and pressed herself against the wall. Garrus slammed the door shut and as soon as it was latched they took off towards the Normandy. She could hear Joker shouting into the com but she could barely make out what he was saying. Nothing seemed to be quite working right anymore.

The shuttle connected with the Normandy and Shepard felt the familiar lurch as the Normandy's mass effect core engaged.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Okay, confession time! I have a tendency to write something, edit it briefly, then post it. So I know it's not as good as it could be. What I really need it a Beta writer. And since this is my first fan fiction and I have no idea on how to go about getting one, I thought I'd ask here. :)**

**So, anyone who might be interested in helping me out and being my Beta please message me.**

**Everyone else: Enjoy!**


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